A typical phone call with my Mom...
Me: H is driving me nuts. So far today he burned down our house, grilled the goldfish, and (this one is true) turned our television set into a fireworks display.
Mom: If you were to spend more time with him, and really listen to him, he would be the same angel for you that he was for me when he was here.
Me: Mom, you only had him overnight and it was the first time he had seen you since he was 5 months old.
Mom: I'm telling you he was an angel. It must be something you're doing wrong.
Today's phone call with my Mom...
Mom: You've got to help me!!! This kid is driving me crazy. I don't know what to do with him. He doesn't listen to anything I say. I tell him no, and then he kisses me and does exactly what I told him not to do. How do you stand it?
Me: Well, he is a perfect angel for me at all times. I think you should listen to him more carefully and spend better quality time with him. If you do those things, he will be the excellent, sweet, and obedient child for you that he is for me. Really, a two year old that doesn't listen...who has ever heard of such a thing?
Mom: Never fucking mind, Smart ass. *click*
10 hours ago