Last night, waaaaaayyyyyyy past bedtime, Hercules hopped out of bed and attempted to kill our fish. Again. I have a true affinity for this fish. He is the consummate survivor. In the past year that he has been with us his tank mate has perished, he has been on the carpet twice, he has had his environment contaminated by foreign objects more often than Elmo's Dorothy, and last night his tank was inundated with pieces of broken porcelain, an alarm clock (battery operated) and a cover for a nightlight. I performed some emergency tank maintenance and today he seems okay. Score: Monster 0, Mommy 1
This morning Hercules slid off the sofa, hit the glass top of my coffee table, and pushed the glass entirely off the base...it hit the floor. I now believe the manufacturers when they say shatterproof, that thing hit the tile and didn't break. Miracle? You betcha. Second miracle in six month pregnant Mommy picking up the 100lb+ glass top and securing it back to the base. Score: Monster 0, Mommy 2
I went outside to bring the trashcans and recycle bins up from the curb, Hercules locked the deadbolt. My car keys (which I lose constantly) were inside my pocket. This is actually by the laws of probability a greater miracle than the intact glass. I can lose my car keys for days and even when they aren't lost I rarely know where they are. Score: Monster 0, Mommy 3
While I would like to believe that the stars are aligning to bring me luck after the ongoing toilet disaster...I know my son loathes losing. Tonight he will dream dreams inspired by the only full length movie he has ever sat down to watch, Home Alone, and tomorrow our epic battle will start anew.
I'm Terrible At Craig's List
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