Tiptoe among the tulips

My life right now is inside out, upside down, and sideways. I see precious little of my children. I see precious little of my fur and feather babies. However, I still bask in the love of good friends, a good man, and a wonderful family. In spite of the craziness that surrounds me and defines me at the moment...I still keenly feel, love, joy, and happiness. The question that remains is if there is a way to marry all of those feelings with the different roles I must play as a mother, partner, friend, and companion.

I know that I am being a little cryptic in my post. I ask that you forgive me for that. I will write something more detailed and definitive soon. In the meantime, will you all please tell me how you manage to play all the cards life deals you concurrently? Most of all, will you share how you manage (if indeed you do) from feeling inadequate in one venue while you concentrate on another? My inquiring mind wants to know...

Teen angst

I once had a friend tell me that teenage boys, "get those hormones going, and then they stay f#*ked up in the head until they start to get laid." At the time I thought it was a rather offensive statement, but I didn't entirely write it off since it was coming from a former teen boy. Actually, I still think it's an offensive statement but, would consider flying my teenager to Amsterdam to get high and get laid, if it meant that the child returning would somewhat resemble the one I gave birth to. Yep. I might just be *that* desperate.

My daughter texted me a link last night, it was along the lines of: WorldWideWeb.militaryschoolinformationfortroubledteens.edu

I guess I'm not the only one fed up with him. It can't all be in my head. Not if my daughter is researching potential boarding schools where we might deposit her older sibling. This thing is serious. This kid is killing me, and if that sounds like an exaggeration, he is in fact, torturing me into insanity. I mean, what mother sets her alarm to take her Xanax 45 minutes before her son's alarm is set to go off? Me. Clearly the answer is me, but, why should this be?

I tell people in stores in public places that he has Tourette's. That way they will excuse him and hopefully my clearly inadequate way of dealing with him. What does one say when their son utters a four letter word, or several of them strung together with as much hate as possible? I say nothing. I ignore him. I continue my shopping, placing my eggs carefully into my cart while I give curious onlookers a small sigh and an apologetic smile, "He has Tourette's," I say. What else can I do? I can't scream like a fish wife, or bend my six foot tall son over my knee. So? what do I do?

I take away his Xbox...he punches holes in my walls. I take away his cell phone...he goes after his little brother with a two by four. He controls the house. We tiptoe around him. We pray for him to sleep. We luxuriate in his absences. We have given up. We feel like we've tried everything legal to help him...to help us. So, what do we do? We have another 3 years, 8 months, and 14 days until he turns 18...not that we are counting of course.

Maybe my daughter has the right idea. Maybe military school is a good plan.

It's Friday...random style

I was on Facebook today, extolling the virtues of kitty cats and laziness, when my bloggy pal, Eric's Mommy, suggested I actually post something on my site. So, here goes Eric's Mommy, this post is for you kid!

My teenage son sprained his ankle yesterday. I am so immune to such types of disasters with the number of children I have, all as klutzy as their Proud mother, that I handed him an Ace bandage, crutches, his prescription strength Naproxen, and an ice pack, and decided to forgo the Emergency Room which would have done the exact same thing for him, eleven hours later. Who knew that the OCD mom, who assured he went to the doctor or hospital every time he sniffled as an only child, could evolve into moi?

The baby is officially mobile...and has found out how to scale the baby gate that separates my kitchen from the living room. Worse still, after watching his smooth moves...he has taught this neat trick to my two small dogs. When I wander downstairs at night and I catch the crotch of my...well anyway...my crotch, on this frigging gate, I have to ask myself why it is still there. The only person or thing it is effectively keeping out of the kitchen is me.

Money is still tight. Times are still tough. I could expound on this issue for awhile, but, it has begun to bore even me. Even typing the words, forced a yawn and a desire to see who has been kicking my butt at Words With Friends today. There will be nothing more at the moment about the Proud family economy, or any thoughts on our country's either, as we seem to be running neck and neck.

Cable on demand is a very efficient way to torture parents. Seriously, who needs waterboarding when you can just force someone into watching the same effing episode of Wow Wow Wubzy 40 times in a row? Does anyone in the CIA have small children? If I had anything to hide, I would have given it up, before Widget and Walden even came onto the screen, for the 40th time. I swear.

This subject brings me to my Irish twins. I am now able to begin to imagine how having real twins might feel. They speak a language of their own. Nobody else can understand a word they say, unless they deem it to be so. This loosely translates into the planning of chaos, mayhem, and painting the walls with my mascara...and we are none the wiser, because we never understand the evil plot, until we find ourselves in the midst of the broken guitar, missing Xbox hard drive, or Clinique wall murals. People, listen to me...DO NOT have children less than a year apart by choice. Really. It sounds cool and all...but, it isn't. Parents of multiples and for other parents of Irish twins...our reward is in Heaven. I hope.

I finally had my hair cut and colored. I went a full year (better than, really) without doing anything to it. Now, people tell me that they hardly recognize me. Seriously? I've worn my hair this way for 17 years, with the exception of the last 18 months, and now you don't recognize me? I find this slightly strange.

This concludes Random Friday. You all have a great weekend. Before I go though,
ergonomic keyboards were *not* and I repeat *not* made for hunt and peckers like me. Typing this post has started to make me wonder if I am having flashbacks...

It is wayyyy...past Monday

Blame it on the cable guy who was days late to hook up my service, blame it on the son, who insists to switch my desktop to his tv instead of my monitor.  Blame it on me being lazy...but, as Tanya reminded me...I am late.

Late with the blog post of course, not late late.  Thank goodness!

I have, what feels like a small army of children plotting my downfall.  I have the school board, collaborating with those same children, giving out days off like tic tacs.  It all seems to be leading to my demise.  Really.  Not just a bloggy demise, I mean, I've been there...done that...this is more of a blogging resurrection...slightly off track.

Cell phone blogging is not what it is all cracked up to be, so, when I retire to my humble abode for the evening, I shall get a real post up here, and, fix whatever I did wrong on our taxes.  I promise.

A new lease on life...and blogging too

Even though it would be my husband's fondest wish, my New Year's resolution isn't to diet, but, rather to make my way back to the blog world.  My little blog, so long abandoned, was such a great outlet for me, and diary of our lives.  From the Proud family to all of yours...Happy New Year!  And check back with me on Monday for updated pictures, a new post, and our family's latest news.  For now I'll leave you all with a picture of the seventh Proud child.

Cold feet...hooray!

So...today we have cool air! I am reticent to celebrate this in such a public way, but, I think less so than I would be to say the words out loud, lest something might change...again. Excuse me while I go knock on some wood and hunt for a four leaf clover. I have to give a HUGE shout-out to my dearest friend's hubby on this one...thank you D, I am starting to suspect you might be our family's guardian angel. There aren't many family friends that would sweat to death in the Florida heat for hours, put up with my menagerie, and all my curious children in order to save the day, or rather the summer for us. We are very, very grateful. Hercules says you're his hero, and I think I agree.

I also managed to remember yesterday that our cable bill was due, which prompted an 11:00 p.m. trip to Wal-Mart for a pre-paid Visa, as I will *never* give our cable company our credit card information again. I should have blogged about our many disasters with this particular company, but hindsight is always 20/20. Thanks to our near midnight outing, Dora helped us greet another day, which is important because pre-caffeinated life without Dora is sheer hell.

Tomorrow brings us to the weekend, and my kids are nearly vibrating with enthusiasm to spend Saturday night with my dad at the beach. I am hoping that the weather will hold out so that it will be a success. Then, next week is the last week of school! Yay! I love not having to drag my kids out of bed, and not having to be The Enforcer of good hygiene before I have blinked my blurry, tired eyes. Hurry Summer Vacation, this mommy is ready!

Of birds and babies

The Proud family has a new project. We just took in two very needy birds. These birds are sweet and loving, but, in terrible physical shape. It took us an hour and a half of hosing and scrubbing (with some of the best cage cleaner money can buy) to restore their once beautiful cage to just acceptable. To really restore the cage, we'll need to borrow a pressure washer. The birds themselves are underweight and have serious stress plucking issues from being separated from their beloved human, who is no longer healthy enough to care for them. They are such a sad pair, but, as summer vacation is right around the corner, and since both Hubby and I are home during the day, we hope to be able to help them recuperate quickly.

Baby Z is still fighting his little cold, but, I think we are nearing the end of it now. He seems to have an aggravating post nasal drip thing going on, but, his tiny little nose is finally clear. He is sleeping three and four hour stretches now and eating a little bit better, and he sure is the cutest thing I've seen in a while.

Our air conditioning is ever so NOT working. We had it fixed right after we brought Baby Z home (who will be the big two weeks today) and we had one blissful day of cool, before it started blowing hot air again. Thank goodness for the window unit in the bird room, which I leave on high all day long and keep the French doors open so that the downstairs at least cools. Florida sans air conditioning is just not fun. We are eating lots of 'easy' meals as a result. Far better to microwave some BBQ beef and slap it on a hamburger bun, than to boil ANYTHING. I would tell you guys what we have spent so far on our non-working a/c, but, then we would all cry. Instead I'll tell you what I'm spending on the termites that have invaded the master bathroom, not really. I mean that I won't really tell you, but, we REALLY do have termites up there.

So, last night I sat outside with some of the neighbors. Tell me, would any of you, regardless of how serious your political convictions might be, call someone 'stupid' just because their voter registration card reads differently than yours? Or, perhaps if you would, please tell me if you would ask, "How much of my tax money are you collecting every year because all you know how to do is pop kids out of your f#*king tw*t, to make a living?" Because, wow...I would never be such a douche bag, though clearly at least one of my neighbors would. And, THAT is what I get for trying to be social and play nicely with others.

In other news, JB graduates to Middle School next week. She is so excited, she is practically glowing. My dad will be here to help celebrate and attend the ceremony. He will also get to meet Baby Z, which we have decided will be a surprise. Yep. Coward, thy name is Viv.