Monday, March 16, 2009

Fecal matters

Hercules flushed an entire roll of toilet paper at one time. As a result my toilet exploded. There was water everywhere including but not limited to the master bath, the carpet in my bedroom, and as an added my dish cabinet that apparently is directly underneath the master bath. I noticed the last one only after streams of water started flowing out of the cabinet doors and onto our breakfast bar and floor.

My children got home from school after I had cleaned up the mess once, and LB promptly forgot about my warning to not use my now...there is poop and water everywhere. Lucky Mommy that I am.

Oh, and I have been fighting the good fight and waiting patiently for the landlord to take a look at the two burners on my stove that aren't working...well, today the last two burners went out.

Please allow me to assess the current situation...I am down to one out of three toilets in working order. I have broken two plungers in my three hours of vigorous plunging activities. There is a lovely mixture of poop and water on both levels of our home. I cannot fix dinner for the kids because my stove doesn't work (this statement also applies to sterilizing baby bottles as well) and even if I could fix dinner I don't know what the hell I'd serve it on because all of my dishes have spent the day swimming in sewage.

I had to go and say that I was feeling optimistic yesterday, didn't I?


  1. Oh, have mercy... That's awful! I hope the landlord gets on it and you're able to get things back in working order soon.

    You're still my new hero.

  2. Wow. I don't even know what to say. Would it help if I shared with you that one of my then-4-year-old's toilet-stuffing adventures resulted in poopy water cascading down the main staircase (uncarpeted, thank goodness)? But at least it didn't touch my kitchen.

    We have temperamental stove burners that look as if they are heading in the same direction as yours.

  3. The movie 'Flushed Away' has been forever banned from our home. That movie and the fact that we had one of the plastic movie figurines from McDonalds, resulted in a very clogged toilet. Which eventually had to be unbolted from the floor turned upside-down and shaken vigorously by my husband, before that mouse was dislogded from his hiding place.

  4. One time as a teenager, I was forced to skip Sunday evening youth group out of shame because I had a nasty diarrhea poo and the toilet overflowed and leaked thru the floor into our kitchen cupboards and onto the counter.

    My sister took the fall and admitted to flushing tampons, but I *could* have been to blame as I'd been emptying liquid wax from those wax tarts burners into the toilet. What a dumbass. I am laughing out loud right now just thinking of it and of my poor parents plunging and cleaning up that mess.

    Which is to say, I'm so sorry you're the parent in this situation.