Thursday, December 3, 2009


I have a confession to make. One that many people will criticize me for. It is something that I struggle with both on the blog and in my daily life. My favorite word in the entire English language is f*#k. It's true. It is also true that I pretty much enjoy profanity in all forms. There is one word that I take exception to, the same word that most of you probably dislike more than the 'F' bomb, that nasty 'c' word is nasty indeed.

When I had my children, I knew that I needed to change my ways. I have been, for the most part, successful. Sure, there was that one incident when my oldest was in kindergarten. He called another kid on the playground a douche bag. I had to go talk to the principal and she asked me where he might have learned it. I very honestly answered, "the I-??, I-?? interchange, I'm sure." She wasn't very amused. I learned that I needed to be yet more vigilant, even when some douche bag was cutting me off.

So, I led a double life. At work, most (uh, all) of the people I knew, used their fair share of blue language. At home, I was expletive free. It worked for me. I could tell my husband that his "lack of sensitivity" bothered me, and at work I could say, "knock off the jackassery, will ya!" It was a good system.

Then, I left my day job, but, I worked nights as a bartender to supplement our income. Still, my work life served as a forum where I could voice my thoughts uncensored, "Last call! If you don't work here, sleep here, or sleep with someone who works here, get the f*#k out!"

When I quit the bar, I was in trouble. I would lock myself in the bathroom and scream, "f*#k, f*#k, bloody f*#king Hell," over and over until the urge passed. Then, slowly, but surely I started to slip. "Frig," took the place of "fudge." Then "flipping" gave way to "freakin'." A couple of "douche bags" instead of "idiots." Ouch! I knew I was on a slippery slope.

I continue to struggle daily with this issue. On my blog you will find the occasional expletive, please forgive my lapses. It's just that it can be so mother f*#king satisfying to vent, even though I know that I'm being a douche, and that it is shitty and the antithesis of classy that I desire to express myself in such a way. Bear with me folks, tomorrow, I'll be better.


  1. Oh Viv. You had better get that f*@kin' sh&t under control. I AM judging you.

  2. Oh, honey, you're a piece of work...but I LOVE that about you. I too am a profanity girl. But I like to think that there IS a time and a place for it. I like to throw out a colorful word here and there to spice up boring old everyday sentences.

    And the people who know and love me, well, they know I can BEHAVE when need be, but they know that my colorful mouth can only be repressed for so long, I mean, I just feel better when I say things like "Well...what the hell..."..the glorious "wtf"..."who the hell"...."oh that's F*cking great!"....or this one "Seriously!??!? Who f*cking does that?!" I use that one a lot, as I have a lot of very highly usual clients come through my office....

    And Douche Bag, oh that's vanilla, everyone says douche bag..don't they?

    Just remember...profanity is your friend, when used for good. So long as you don't cross over to the dark side and start cursing at babies, paraplegics and holy men/women, i think you'll be alright. ;)


  3. oh, and viv, one more thing...your ""Last call! If you don't work here, sleep here, or sleep with someone who works here, get the f*#k out!" line, almost makes me want to get a THIRD job as a barmaid, just so I can use it!

    pure genius it is!

    *nods in approval*

  4. H.M., I HAVE to do something to be deserving of my title if I want to keep it, if I'm not an asshole, I might have to start clubbing baby seals to keep it.

    -GWS ;)

    H.L., that line works best in a hotel bar. :)

  5. Oh please don't be "better" tomorrow. Better is boring.