In this post I intend to put myself out there, just so all of you will know just how big a bitch I am...
My youngest step son arrived yesterday at three in the morning. His mother threw him out of the house again and he showed up without any money, wanting a place to stay. To tell you all the truth I was pretty pissed off. Frankly, it really upset me that he gave no thought to waking up my babies when he pounded on my door. Not to mention the ten minutes I spent scared to death. The incident from last year still looms large in my head. I let him in, but, I was sure to hammer home the point that, though he feels his father does, I owe him nothing. This is after all, my house.
Yeah, I'm kind of a shit, but, I've got all kinds of resentment that every cent that should be going towards my children's Christmas is being eaten by their adult brothers. Not to mention the fact the my husband is all over my ass to cut our living expenses. There is a way to do this...shit can the organic GF diet that H is on, on which he is finally showing some improvement. In order to accommodate my husband's adult children? Screw that. I won't do it. So I'm left with not letting them shower everyday (my husband's suggestion) and sitting in the hot, dark (no lights, people) Florida heat.
I can't say that there aren't perks to having my step children here. For example, I can go take cooking classes and I can drive my children to school without fear of having to find a babysitter. The perks, do not out weigh the cons though. I can't be comfortable in my own home. I can't lounge around in my gym shorts or my pajamas. I can't make a bottle in the middle of the night with the lights on, because there is someone sleeping in every room of our home. I can't watch what I want on television, I can't use my computer when I want to, I can't put the babies to bed the way I usually do because they won't fall asleep with the television blaring downstairs and the lights on. My home, the less than lovely place that is, is still my own safe haven, or, it was.
Right now, the boys are off on what I believe to be a wild goose chase. My youngest step son wants to go back into another branch of service (he has been recently discharged from the Navy) but, he has to wait 6 months before he can do so...so, why is it that he (they) are at a recruiting office right now? On my gas bill? Let's save the gas for actually obtaining employment instead of chasing rainbows, or, at the very least, chase them once you've figured out how to make your car payment and put your own gas in the car.
My home is too small. It is too small for me and my six children, throw two more adult kids into that mix, and I feel like the walls are going to burst. Now, factor in that the roof and ceiling are finally being fixed and that we only have TWO, two usable bedrooms until the work is done. Two bedrooms for nine (ten if hubby is home) people, and two dogs, and two cats.
My dishes need to be done. The litter box needs to be changed, I would kill for a nap. If I were living in someone's house free of charge, and eating their food, and taking their money for gas and toiletries and such? I'd offer to do some of those things. *I* wouldn't grimace when asked to contribute. I'd say "thank you" an awful lot. I'd be grateful. Instead, the ways things are, I think that I'll just be a bitch.
P.S. We won't mention the showers are twenty plus minutes everyday, or that my husband isn't coming home until Thanksgiving (which will make it two and a half months that he has been gone) because we can't afford it with the added expenses. We won't bring up the hiding upstairs so that they won't feel compelled to listen to me when I ask for help...because this is Club Frigging Med, for everyone but me.
Alternate title being, "It's a pity party, but, nobody else is invited"
Kindness Just Kills Me
1 week ago