Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Children are blessings, but, I don't always feel blessed

When I make any type of negative reference to motherhood, my mother responds with, "you wanted it, you got it, Toyota." She usually follows this up with a crude Italian hand gesture. So, my question to all of Bloggy World is, do we have to cheerfully embrace all aspects of parenthood when we become mothers and fathers?

I think that is possible to be a good parent who still feels frustration at the stress and work that parenthood is. I would never change my decision to have children. Nor my decision to have many children. There are however, about a million things that I would like to change about our family life. So, is that okay? Is it socially acceptable to, "love your job, but, hate the hours?" I think it is.

Some, like my mother, challenge that it isn't okay to express discontent. I think it is fine, healthy, normal even. I am pretty sure that the human race would be in trouble, if the only people who became parents, were those who could love every minute of the 18 years plus that were to follow.

So, in a nutshell you have one of the main reasons I blog. And because that is one of the main reasons I blog...let's talk about my three year old.

Yesterday I had grand plans. A clean house, a surging BAC, and a full night of sleep. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! At five o'clock yesterday evening, everything changed. My three year old grew increasingly frustrated that his, "best fwend," LB didn't want to play with him. So, in a fit, he threw a scooter at my 7 year old. The handle bar hit his finger when it crashed to the floor and my 7 year old ran dripping blood all over the floor to the kitchen.

I disinfected, and applied pressure. Then I added an antibiotic cream and a bandage. The rule of thumb here for stitches is...if I can get the bleeding stopped, and then keep it stopped, enough that the band-aid covering the wound is free from blood at the 24 hour mark, we don't go for stitches. This may be a liberal policy for most of you, but, it was suggested to me by my aunt and uncle who are both doctors, therefore it works for me. Of course, I clean wounds frequently and watch carefully for signs of infection.

In 8 days, we had not one, but, two medical emergency type situations perpetuated by my three year old. I am so freaking frightened by this. I am terrified that something will happen to my babies. If that had been my one year old's finger, I'm pretty sure it would have severed it.

My three year old weighs a little over 50 pounds. He was seen carrying my 7 year old through the living room yesterday (like a baby, LB's legs were wrapped around his waist) and the extent of his strength is unreal. *H.M., if you had seen the poker through the LCD screen episode, seriously, the 4th of July was nothing by comparison, and he hurled the poker at least 10 feet with enough force that it went through the television and the tip embedded itself in the wall.*

So, what do you think? Is it okay to be scared and frustrated? Is it fair to say that while I love being a mom, I don't love being *that* mom? Tell me what you think.


  1. Oh man Viv. Of course it is. Women from another (any other, really) generation weren't allowed to do a lot of things that would've made their lives a lot better. If we don't allow ourselves time to vent, we end up taking it out on others or ourselves in unhealthy ways,

    No wonder you call the kid hercules. You should slap a mustache on him and hire him out as the strong man. Maybe he'd burn off some of that energy . . .

  2. Viv, the best that I can offer is that Miles too went through an aggressive period. I felt like I spent my days just trying to keep everyone safe. He was a sweet, sweet boy, that would drop you on your butt without notice. He is strong and I have witnessed him taking down his older brother as well.
    He did gain some self control with age.
    Hang in there. Keep venting. We are here to listen.

  3. I know what you mean...I have days when I'm scared, frustrated, mad. I think, that just because I'm a mom now to these kids, it doesn't make me all knowing and all seeing of the future and what it holds. As parents, of course we worry about them, that's why we love them, and we get frustrated when things don't run as smoothly as we would like them to for everyone. But struggle is what makes all of us stronger and able to better cope with life--the ability to overcome in spite of everything. I enjoy reading your blog, and I understand some the stress you are going through. I don't always write about it myself, sometimes it just feels better for me to read it from others like you. But please know that you are not alone...

  4. the diet helping? Would there be even more ER visits if he were eating the gluten? Just wondering...

    If the diet isn't helping enough to keep everyone safe, you might want to consider some drugs for ADHD. I know my friend's 3rd child was simply not controllable and he used them for a time. He's grown up into a fine young man, by the way, with no need for the Ritalin.

    I know you didn't ask for advice, but I can't even imagine how you manage - 6 kids is hard enough without a loose cannon in the house! The year my 4-year-old went berserk, she almost destroyed us. Seriously. We were so stressed out from watching her, we couldn't get anything else done.

  5. Yes, you can vent your frustration. I sometimes feel a bit restricted in my ability to "tell it like it is" both because of the "you wanted them" thing and also because I don't like seeming to be as much of a freak show as many people might already think I am. With a large family, I sometimes feel "on display" with all of my friends with 2 kids. BUT, yes, we are allowed to vent, just like ANY parent is and does. I've noticed that all parents, no matter how many kids they have, get to the breaking point and vent. We just have more kids.

    As for Hercules, wow. I have no words of wisdom, I'm just hoping my three years old daughter doesn't head in that direction, but thinking she probably will. My five year old has an alarming scratch, a gouge really, on her face from my 3-year old; there are times when even I am fearful of the pain she's going to inflict on me by biting, scratching, pulling hair, hitting or kicking me when I'm trying to bend her will to mine.

    But do you ever marvel at his sheer force of personality? I mean, sometimes I think that for all of the ways she challenges me, she's also going to be the most amazing person, so strong, so free (because she doesn't actually see limits around her), so daring and that all of that will take her very far in life. I think she's going to be wildly successful at what she wants to be and do: she won't let anything get in her way. Everything weakness we all have is the opposite of some strength, and in her case, that strength is going to serve her extremely well.