Monday, November 16, 2009

Emergency Rooms Suck

Today started out decent. I was in a cleaning groove. It only happens so often, so I was trying to embrace my inner June Cleaver. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be.

Yesterday, in the 2.2 seconds it took me to turn around to check on my little girls, my next door neighbor gave my three year old a cupcake. Shit. F*#k. Damn. He was just coming out of an upswing of bad behavior from a previous diet infraction, and then this. Last night he was awful, horrible, terrible. It was indescribable. Today was worse.

He kept taking off his shoes and screaming in the store. He kept pinching and clawing at my 16 month old. Finally, he found a toy baseball bat. One of those miniature things they give you on fan appreciation days at the ball park. He hit his older sister so hard that her wrist/arm immediately started to swell. We iced it to no avail, so I called my grandparents and begged for help.

My grandfather was here in minutes, but, not before my three year old took a swing at my seven year old with the grill brush. Fortunately, my seven year old was scratched, but, not seriously hurt.

The end result was a 45 minute trip to the E.R. at the children's hospital. Then a five hour wait. An hour for x-rays, a splint, a sling, and a discharge. A 30 minute trip back home, in the dark, from downtown, which is significant only because I don't see very well at night and because I loathe driving downtown.

My oldest daughter is now happily sleeping. My youngest daughter who screamed the entire time I was gone is finally resting. My three year old who apparently took a nap at 5:00 p.m. today, is going like the Energizer bunny on coke, or maybe just like a toddler tyrant hell bent on world domination on gluten. How does that song go? There ain't no rest for the wicked...

I. Am. So. Tired.

Dear Lady,

I want you to know that while I openly admit to being a germaphobe, I am not a crazy germaphobe. For the most part, I think all those masks at the hospital are sort of scary and pointless. BUT, and this is a big but...YOUR KIDS NEEDED TO WEAR THEM, DUMBASS! There were newborns, and elderly patients, and well, ME. Your kids were coughing and sneezing and oozing bodily fluids. Your son actually coughed a cheese cracker up on a baby's head 10 feet away from where you were sitting. It was ridiculous how little attention you were paying to the discomfort of everyone else around you. I'm selfish and I'm bitchy, but, you Broad, take the cake.


The woman who will hunt you down if she gets sick


  1. Holy crap. Why does your neighbor think it's cool to give your kids food without asking you first? How bad is the arm? Man, I don't really know how you do it. You need a vacation.

  2. Your son needs a T-shirt: DO NOT FEED!


  3. They do make shirts that relate to your situation. I am sorry. That sounds like a sucktastic day.
    You may want to check out Huston enzymes. You may be able to find an enzyme that will help in case of infractions. Miles was ultra sensitive and he does wonderful on the enzymes.

  4. Ugh. So sorry Viv. From the neighbor to the ER to the clueless deserve a drink and a vacation. Or several of both.