Friday, January 22, 2010

The Disillusionment Post

I'm bummed, blue, down in the dumps, sad, out of sorts...whatever you want to call it. I have spent the last couple of days trying to get back on the horse, so to speak. I've tried reading my Janet Evanovich books, the one where Stephanie sleeps with Ranger, twice. I've watched 8 Mile and ogled Art Alexakis courtesy of YouTube. I stayed in my PJs, drinking Mountain Dew (so forbidden here at my house) while watching The Nanny all day. Nothing. Nothing has helped.

Then, in a conversation, it came up that Robert DeNiro is short. WTF? No!!! I couldn't accept that, I mean, in my fantasies, I can wear heels when I'm with him. It was so unfair. I wanted to cry.

Then I got to thinking. How many other objects of my lustful affection aren't as tall in life as they are in my mind? Well, I'll tell you, because if I'm going to be disillusioned, so the hell will all of you. Eminem? He is 5'8" so is it any wonder that 8 Mile sucked at making me happy? Art Alexakis is 5'10" which is better. Robert DeNiro is five feet, nine and a half inches...I guess I could wear low heels, but, not being able to bring out the FMPs will be a serious downer in my dreams. Finally though, I came across Charles Shaugnessy...who is just a half inch shy of that six foot marker. Guess who just replaced Robert DeNiro as my number one?

So, why am I tripping over the fact that these famous men that I'll never meet aren't tall? Surely it must be because I hear all the time how much I look like Mariah...NOT. I guess the reason is, because I'm not dead...yet. I may still be the first person to die from sleep deprivation though, the night is still young, and so are my children.

I leave you now to succumb to the lilting sound of the Brit's voice calling from the television upstairs.

If you are wondering what is up (no pun intended) with my height is pretty simple. Just about everyone I'm related to is short. This is in and of itself not much of a big deal. Unless you spend years as the headless Amazon in photos. After a few decades of being surrounded by people that make you feel like Hagrid amongst the students of Hogwarts, you start to really appreciate being around taller people, because they make you feel little and dainty...and that is a welcome change indeed.
I love short people, don't get me wrong...but, in my fantasies, I am *not* headless.


  1. All I can say is you have some eclectic taste! (My husband is 5'5". THAT took some getting used to.)

  2. Monica, my husband isn't that tall either, he is 5'11" and IRL I don't wear many of my dress shoes, because it annoys him that I am suddenly taller. The guys that are only in my dreams aren't supposed to disappoint though, dammit.

    Height always interests me. I am the tallest woman in my family, though I'm really not tall at all. Years of being headless in pictures will make you uber aware of where you fall in a height line up.

  3. Oh how I love Stephanie. Personally I think all women should have a Ranger in their life. I think I now need to run out to Borders and buy Janet's last two Stephanie books that I've missed! Maybe that would help my winter blues!

  4. My hubby is 6'4". You can have him. ; )

  5. I'll take Robert DeNiro. But he has to stand in line behind Dustin Hoffman and Matt Damon. I love short men!

    And wouldn't you know it? My husband is 6 feet 2 inches tall.

  6. I prefer short men because otherwise I can't hear or make myself heard in a bar. Or at least, that was my reasoning back when I was man-hunting.

    My husband is 5'7". I am a little taller if I wear high heels.

  7. I love short men, too -- as long as they're the short, square kind (Matt Damon). I hate a dainty, short guy (David Spade)because they make me feel like Godzilla. . In fact, I'll take short over lithe and graceful any day. I like the bull in the China shop.

    As for my history, I'm the shortest in a rather tall, very male family (13 male cousins, 2 female) -- and the only person I know whose grandmother was considerably taller than her.

  8. Also, in my family photos, I'm sometimes just a forehead and a set of eyebrows. And I always get the sucky, scrunched down in front spot.

  9. LOVE Janet have a thing for Ranger...although I don't think he looks in my head like he's supposed to. Luckily I'm only 5'1" although last night I went out my hubby, BIL & SIL and wore my normal 4 inch pumps and BIL thought it was hillarious...mostly b/c I was still shorter than everyone, and they aren't that tall.

  10. i should introduce you to my friend D, he's 6'7" and when I hug him, I feel like I'm hugging his waist! it was the strangest thing ever the first time I did it, i half expected him to pat me on the head and make me his little "pet"....

    I've never been around too many "really tall" people, I'm 5'7" and am the tallest girl in my family. my brother's a little taller than me and my dad's around 6'...but nothing crazy...not like 6'7"...six foot seven will humble you. :) lol


  11. At a whooping 5'3" I am the 'tall one' on my Mom's side of the family.

  12. I know I'm late to the height party...but I grew up in Hawaii, and am half white/half Asian. Height-wise, I am 5'6...pretty average, unless you live in the South Pacific and EVERYONE (including my parents) are no taller than 5'2. Okay, so my dad is 5'5...but still. My prom pictures were taken in a sitting position! I slouched until I headed to college in Indiana, a.k.a. "The Land of Giants" or normal-heighted people. I TOTALLY get it, but like to think it made me stronger as a person (or some crap like that).