Several random reasons you are glad you aren't my children

Let me tell you about my dream. The fact that I had a dream at all is indeed somewhat noteworthy. It is rare that I am able to sleep long enough or well enough to dream. Last night though, dream I did. I dreamt about a cartoon villain that sounded a lot like Aladdin's Jafar, he had an evil laugh, and his name was The Toddler's Apprentice. I don't think I'll be needing Freud to analyze this one for me.

I came across a blog post yesterday that made me laugh so hard I cried. I am going to give you all the link, but, please note that the father who wrote it was seriously sleep deprived and as a result, the post is very vulgar. It is also very, very funny. If occasional vulgar humor doesn't bother you, definitely click here.

The Little Lady (my 1 year old) has three pairs of shoes, or to be more accurate, she has one pair and two shoes. Hercules (3) has five pairs, or, to be more accurate, he has a pair of sandals and four shoes. Where, oh where, have all the shoes gone? I knew about the sock eating monster in the laundry room, but, this, this is ridiculous.

Let's talk about home improvement for a minute, shall we? My front door, the one that you may remember my grandfather started fixing last February? It still has an unfinished frame that needs to be trimmed and a two inch hole between the top of the door and the frame. My backyard, the one that was painstakingly (no, not by me for sure) cleared of poison ivy? It isn't finished either. Of course, now the ivy is coming back. Bugs. I hate bugs. There is a ginormous hole behind our kitchen cabinets between my house and the next door neighbor's home. It goes like this...we have the house sprayed and the bugs run from our side over to his. Things are great for awhile. Then we see the exterminator next door...and they come back to our house. It is a never ending dance, sort of like the one the steps do between our home and their mom's, only less pestilential. The roof isn't fixed from hurricane season two years ago. The stove has two working burners, but, since they are never the same two, it keeps me on my toes. The bathrooms? Are all working at the same time! Yay! For those you you still reading, the score is one for us, and five for this hole. Meanwhile, I hear my hubby's digs in Miami are sweet, but, as I've never seen 'em, I have to take his word for it.

I need to go and fix coffee now. The only caffeine I have as of yet consumed is the bottled, organic coffee from Costco (which believe me people, only looks like a Frappucino) and I am jonesing.

Today's plan? More frigging laundry. Which, will take place at the coin laundry, because, my washer is dead, dead, dead. Which is exactly what may become of me if the a/c is still out at the coin laundry. Friggin' Florida.