Yesterday at Costco, I chased down a woman (for lack of a better description) that had felt the need to make an unkind remark about me in a rather loud stage whisper to her husband. Apparently, she felt the need to be concerned about what my children were doing, and what I wasn't doing in response. Hey Lady? F#%k you!
I followed her to the door repeating, "excuse me, excuse me," ever louder as I did so. Finally, she turned around, unable to ignore me any more. I must admit that I was running solely on adrenaline and it hadn't really kicked in what I planned to do or say once she acknowledged me. I chose to inform her that I had heard what she said and that I thought she had been unnecessarily and deliberately unkind. I managed all this without a single four letter word (I'm so proud of me, you don't have any idea) although I might have been rather loud in doing so.
She maintained that all she had said was for my daughter to sit down. That wasn't all she had said though. I didn't want anything in particular other than to say that words have consequences. That maybe thinking before speaking, especially in a judgemental way, is better. I wanted to hear her say a simple, "I'm sorry if I offended you." Which means that I'm a flipping idiot.
She wasn't sorry, she was adamant that being a bitch is her right. Fine. I knew that. Afterall, my own mother is one of those people, as long as they feel righteous about what they are doing or saying, how their words or actions might make others feel is not their problem.
So, after thirty years working on this same lesson...what have I learned? Not a darn thing. Not a single darn thing.
Leave God, if you believe in him, to judge. Instead of feeling the need to be superior, feel the need to offer compassion. Instead of judging the frazzled mom next time you see her in a store, smile and say, "I have those days too." Be the better person, not the one who doesn't give a shit. Please.
In other news, I know how the Manson parents felt before they died. Last night my son woke me up holding the biggest knife we own. He scared the crap out of me. "Mom, he asked, "can I carve my pumpkin now?" What would you all have said?
Kindness Just Kills Me
1 week ago