Once upon a time there was a Mommy. This Mommy thought she had found the perfect toy. The Mommy bought the toy, a foam sword, in the dollar section of Target. The Mommy thought that a foam sword was a great toy for a tyrant toddler because the Mommy didn't see how the sword could effectively be used against her in a toddler coup. What the Mommy didn't know, was that the toddler was smarter than she. That Mommy enjoyed an entire afternoon and night of being benignly bopped with a soft object. Boy, was that Mommy proud of herself.
Then, her toddler greeted a new day. With seven whole hours of sleep to dream about world domination, the toddler had a few ideas when he awoke. His first idea was to strip the foam off the hilt of the sword, exposing the hard plastic underneath. The toddler was excited with this turn of events, but retreated to his room after he realized the drawbacks to the new weapon design (i.e. this made the sword shorter and put his tush within his Mommy's reach) so he went back to the drawing board.
The toddler hellbent on continuing his reign of terror forged a new plan. He left his room to examine the contents of the laundry room. In the laundry room he found the long cylindrical attachment for Mommy's vacuum. Eureka! Problem solved. He inserted the sword into the cylindrical attachment, crammed in the foam he had previously stripped from the hilt, to make the fit nice and tight. A weapon of mass destruction was created!
The Mommy was saved from certain death by the doorbell. It was the Papa to finish fixing the Mommy's door. The Mommy worries that she may find out in a future power struggle how much intelligence was gleaned by the toddler who watched the power tools with rapt fascination. For tonight though, the balance of power has shifted back to the parental unit, solidified by the offer of mint chocolate chip ice cream...the Mommy's secret weapon.
Kindness Just Kills Me
1 week ago