Today at the mall, I stood on the second floor looking down over the railing and wondering if a fall from that height would kill a person. Specifically me. It was a fleeting thought, lasting only the briefest of moments, but it was there. Let me explain.
My husband, TLL, H, BB, and myself stopped at the mall on our way home from shopping to walk off some of our less than nutritious and delicious Costco lunch. I swear to you that without exaggeration, BB uttered five words for every single step he took at the mall. He babbled incessantly. Mostly about things that don't in any way concern him, for instance he chatted at length about me getting a new cell phone and which phone I should choose and which carrier I should go with. He talked about coffeemakers and waffle irons. He talked non stop.
I am not completely sure that he doesn't always talk that much, but, that over the other children I just can't hear him. Or maybe because we were two children shy of a full pack, he wanted to take advantage of the quiet to be heard. Perhaps his hot dogs were laced with speed. Maybe he got into my stash of energy drinks. It could just be that I am a horrible person and a terrible mother, but...I wanted nothing more than to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP at the top of my lungs.
I begged nicely through two stores for him to quiet down a little because I had a headache. I implored him to give me time to just finish my coffee before he asked any additional questions. I threw myself at my husband's mercy with my eyes. None of my efforts were met with relief. It was then that I looked over the railing and decided that jumping would be an extreme measure to block out my son's voice.
Fortunately, H looked back from his perch in the double stroller and smiled at me. I happily took his hand and accepted his quiet offer of love and affection. I thanked God for my little man just then.
Do any mommies know of a place where I can buy some patience? Growing my own doesn't really seem to be working for me.
Kindness Just Kills Me
1 week ago