Friday, May 1, 2009


I know that there is a special place in Hell reserved in my honor. Today I just don't care though. I'm in Whole Foods buying freaking holistic canine/feline food. The little dude at the register (and I mean the cashier) makes a mistake. At Whole Foods, every void must have a manager turn a key to approve. I've got H screaming in the basket of the cart. TLL is screaming from the front perch. The little dude is frantically paging managers. The bag girl goes off in search of one. The people behind me in line are pissed. TLL screams to the point that she has tears and snot and what not streaming down her face. My diaper bag is buried under my groceries. I excavate and am able to fix her a bottle. H screams because he is starving, I give him his pizza. He eats the whole frigging thing before we can find a holder of keys. TLL cries because H is crying, her face is now too snotty to be able to drink from her bottle. I can't wipe her face because I've put the groceries back in the cart. Finally, a manager appears from Bumblef*%k.

Me: Do you have any idea how long I've been standing here?
Manager: No, they just told me that I was needed. I was getting change.
Me: Well, I hope you're happy, because we've been waiting 15 minutes for a manager. *look briefly at TLL to make sure her face is still snotty* I certainly hope that everyone in this store hasn't now contracted Swine Flu because EVERY MANAGER here was in the cash office at the same time.

Yep. I'm a bitch.

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