Thursday, May 28, 2009

Reality killed the optimistic mom

So, you know what happens if you remember to check the mail once in awhile? If you're me you might just find a $900 expense check for your husband.

I am missing my husband a lot right now. I am missing the extra pair of hands that would allow for more cuddles, more kisses, more just trying to absorb these first days of Leila's life. They are passing so quickly, and I am sad to say that I feel like I'm not committing enough of these moments to memory. I am so busy trying to run his household by myself that I feel distraught that there aren't enough hours in the day for me to enjoy my baby and my babies as much as I would like.

Ugh! Maybe it is just this infernal rain that has been hanging tight over the Sunshine State for the last ten days, but, today I am having a hard time feeling cheerful. What I wouldn't give to have nothing but time, like I had with my oldest, and to know what I do now, so that I could make the most of that time and enjoy it to the fullest. Hindsight and all that.


  1. Oh, my dear. I do not intend to discount your feelings -- I do remember feeling that way about my youngest and you have so many more demands on you than I did! -- but it sounds like the baby blues may have you down. I hated those postpartum days when I couldn't be sure what I was feeling was warranted, or just a trick of my mind.

    I can't tell you how much I love her name.

    Might any of your in-town relatives be willing to take most of the children once a week for a couple hours, to give you time alone with Leila or a date with any one of the others?

    I have no doubt that you will work it out, but it does suck and I wish I was in town and/or could help you out somehow.

  2. Thanks Jen.

    This is the first of my six that I got to name. Hubby chose the rest.

    My parents will be in town for a few hours on Monday for BB's graduation. I think the stress of a visit (no matter how short) from my Mom is messing with my mind too.