There is always a 'but'

I miss my babies very much, but...

• TLL and I woke up at 10:00 this morning after going to sleep at 9:30 last night.
• TLL and I took our naps at 12:30 this afternoon...just two and a half hours after we started our day.
• We napped for two and a half hours.
• My cat is asleep on his back with his tummy in the air, something we haven't seen him do since H started crawling.
• I haven't cooked anything since the weekend.
• I have taken a shower and brushed my teeth every single day this week.

Why don't I remember it being this easy when I only had one?

Not selling anything, just trying to save your soul

Okay....I will admit ignorance to the ways of the Mormons. The only facts that I indeed know are that young Mormon adults knock on my door to offer me a free copy of The Book of Mormon a lot, and that no matter how many times I decline, they will be back.

I respect people who feel very strongly about religion. I just really don't love it when they want to talk to me about it. I am very firm/confident in what I believe. I do believe in God. If you are worried about my soul, don't be. It was sucked out years ago to make more room for the sarcasm.

Unfortunately, people push. Like today's visitors. It isn't so much that they are pushy, more like they simply resolve to try again tomorrow. This time I made a relatively firm and straight forward request. "Thank you. I have a copy of your card. If I should change my mind about wanting to or having time to read The Book of Mormon, I will call you. Until then, please allow me to wish you the very best of luck in your lives, may God always be with you, and please let us consider this good bye." It isn't that I don't respect these young men, I am sure that their belief must be very strong, but, I am in an okay place right now in what I believe. Why is that so difficult to respect?

Also, my impressionable children are out of town so I am rocking out to music that I don't dare listen to when their ears are near, I am wearing another maternity top that makes me want to sing, "her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..." every time I pass a mirror, and frankly their perfectly shocked expressions when the lyrics blaring behind me registered in their heads made me feel like a Duggar that got caught fooling around outside of wedlock. So boys...let us hope this was good bye.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

My mom called today. After my sister called to warn me that she was becoming unhinged. I shall cheerfully report that all is well. Here is an excerpt from our conversation.

Mom: Look, I just want to say that everything I have ever said about kids and stuff, I take it all back. I was wrong. You can write it on your calender. Also write down that unless you die, I AM NEVER TAKING THIS KID AGAIN.
Me: Rough day? I just woke up from a nap myself.
Mom: Oh my God! This kid doesn't listen. To anything I say. No matter what I threaten him with. If BB tells you that I threatened to kill him, I did. I would never do it you know, but, I did say that. He didn't care. He just smirked at me. Smirked I tell you! I felt so bad, but, I think I'm going to die. I mean, I think he is going to kill me. I asked our yardman if he has a gun, I asked him to please kill me. He wouldn't, I think I scared him. *note, this is probably what made my sister go with unhinged*
Me: Uh, where is the baby now?
Mom: Your father came home early from work and took the kids to the mall. That kid is freakishly strong. I don't know how a two year old can be so strong. I can't MAKE him do anything. You are a Saint. I don't know how you do it. I want to die. God himself would freeze him or something if he had to take care of him. A cage. A big dog cage. If something ever happened to you, I'd get a cage. One with a top.
Me: You've given a lot of thought to this I see. CPS frowns on caging children Mom. They would arrest you.
Mom: So? Then someone else would have to take care of him, right? If I'm in prison, I can't. Right?
Me: Maybe you should lie down, take a little nap. Call me if you want to send him home early. Take a break for right now though, okay?
Mom: I am so tired. I have never been this tired in my whole life. I have never had to work this hard. He is so much work. He isn't *gasp* normal, is he? Okay, I'll lay down. I love you. I love him. I am really tired though, and I haven't been able to take a shower since he got here. I'm dirty. My house is a wreck. I can't clean though. I can't leave him alone in a room long enough to clean anything, then after he goes to sleep, I'm so tired. Too tired.
Me: I know. I'll call you later.

You are wondering why I don't feel worse for my Mom, right? The answer is because she is the most judgemental person I know. I constantly listen to how she never slept when my sisters were little, because there was too much work to be done and how she never left anything for tomorrow. Then she tells me what a disaster my home is and how if I cared about my kids that I would go without sleep so they could live in a sterile environment. I also hear a lot about how her kids never had any chores, and about my expectations that the kids clean up after themselves are so unreasonable. My favorite quote came about a month ago, "He is two years old, a mere baby. You are an adult. You are the parent. If you had any idea how to be a mother at all, you would show him who is boss. He would do what you say. When you say. If not, then you have no business being a parent." Yup, it is true...my sympathy levels are a tad low.

What not to wear...maternity special

Boobs. I have them. A rather generous serving of them in fact. When I'm not pregnant, I am a 34DD. All my adult life, I have dealt with finding tops that fit. An easy solution to this is to have my clothes tailor made or altered. Unfortunately, these solutions work better if you have a large disposable income. Or, any disposable income really, we do not. In all the years of my marriage, I have either looked like Betty Boop or a female trucker.

Yesterday, I caved and drove the umpteen million miles to the only maternity boutique left in the area. I found that the boutique is nothing like the chain store that used to be at our local mall. The prices sent shivers up my spine. If you haven't heard me say before, I love Mother Earth. I really get excited to find a pair of sandals made out of bamboo or organic jeans. My enthusiasm is curbed by an organic maternity tee that is $80.00...after the 50% markdown. For $80.00 that organic tee had better come with the green equivalent of a teflon coating...because I would have to wear it every single day for the last two months of this pregnancy to almost justify the cost.

I gave up trying on clothes that I liked shortly after walking in. Instead I opted to try on clothes that I could afford. Which meant that I ended up spending $40.00 (after an additional 50% off the 75% off clearance price) on two shirts that were the right size, could be worn with a bra, and weren't neon in color. Today, since it was cool here, the high was only 78, I wore the shirt with a 3/4 sleeve.

It wasn't until some schmuck started to wolf whistle outside Wal-Mart, that I began to suspect that maybe the tunic was a tad too low cut for me. I blew it off, figuring that just maybe he didn't notice the bump because of the shopping cart. I discounted this theory and headed for the fitting room mirrors after some other jackass said," that baby is awfully little for you to be so pregnant, but, I guess I can see why."

My choices are clear. I can, continue to wear the tee shirts of years past reminding me of all my long lost friends like Jack, Jim, and Jose. I can ignore the looks of all the 'in crowd' mommies as they wonder who will care for my crack baby. Or...I can walk around with my boobs hanging out, looking like a hooker that caters to pregnancy fetishes. Got milk?

So, so sweet

A typical phone call with my Mom...

Me: H is driving me nuts. So far today he burned down our house, grilled the goldfish, and (this one is true) turned our television set into a fireworks display.
Mom: If you were to spend more time with him, and really listen to him, he would be the same angel for you that he was for me when he was here.
Me: Mom, you only had him overnight and it was the first time he had seen you since he was 5 months old.
Mom: I'm telling you he was an angel. It must be something you're doing wrong.

Today's phone call with my Mom...

Mom: You've got to help me!!! This kid is driving me crazy. I don't know what to do with him. He doesn't listen to anything I say. I tell him no, and then he kisses me and does exactly what I told him not to do. How do you stand it?
Me: Well, he is a perfect angel for me at all times. I think you should listen to him more carefully and spend better quality time with him. If you do those things, he will be the excellent, sweet, and obedient child for you that he is for me. Really, a two year old that doesn't listen...who has ever heard of such a thing?
Mom: Never fucking mind, Smart ass. *click*

Posting...not crying

Today was an excellent day.

I managed to drop BB and H off to my father (he was visiting his parents) only ten minutes late!!! For me that is one heck of an accomplishment. H didn't cry at all, he was eager to start having fun, so he hopped right into my father's car and kissed me good bye.

TLL and I stopped at the natural foods market just to see what they had going on. I found it was really difficult to concentrate on my shopping without the usual mayhem. I had coffee there though, so it wasn't like the trip was wasted. TLL got to sit in the basket of a shopping cart for the first time ever. She was totally amazed that there is a world outside of her car seat. A monster may have been born today, I'm not sure when her big bro returns, that she will go peacefully into the back of a cart again. A sign from the heavens that this was a good thing came in the form of a call from my aunt, she wanted to offer me her grandson's shopping cart cover because she isn't watching him anymore. Hells yeah, we would like to have it...thank you kindly.

TLL and I decided to head to the mall this afternoon because I was desperate for some maternity jeans. I stopped my car in the middle of a busy road to pick a really scared dog up and out of traffic. I turned around and took the dog to our home. She was wearing a collar, but, no tags. My plan was to wait until it cooled off (it was 85 plus today) and then walk her on a leash and try and find the owners. My JRT was all excited. She loves to have friends. My Chi/GSD was also excited...she loves to have dinner. I locked my demented Chi in my bedroom and left the lost dog with my JRT playing. We headed back towards the mall.

There are four large department stores at our mall and only two of them carry maternity clothes. One of the two is discontinuing maternity, so they had like one rack of clearance. I was able to find a pair of jeans for super cheap though. The other carries nothing but totally hideous maternity clothes. The last time I checked, the women buying Alfred Dunner aren't of the same general age group as expecting mothers, so why are all the prints and fabrics garish and synthetic, and look like a sampling of what you'd find at my grandmother's bridge club? Tell me retail buyers, share your insight please. Do ugly mommies make better babies? They also closed the maternity boutique at this mall. So....I guess the slow economy means that all other women are too smart to get knocked up. I guess it also means that I'll be wearing my Cuervo tee shirt in Labor & Delivery.

On the way back from the mall, I decided to cruise the neighborhoods around where I picked up the dog. The sky was threatening rain, so I didn't really want to have to take the baby out in it. Man, oh man...I got lucky! The first neighborhood I drove through was like a ghost town, I was giving up when I saw... a Mommy! Yay! I love mommies. I pulled up in her driveway and jumped out of my truck and asked if she knew of anyone looking for their dog. She started smiling and nodding and the next thing I knew, the owner's next door neighbor pulled into her driveway to follow me home and collect the dog. Miracles do happen people. They do. I am so happy that the dog was reunited with her owner, and that I didn't have to face any difficult decisions about what to do with her. It is possible, although I am showing great restraint these days, that there is a finite number of stray animals that you can take into your home against your spouse's will before divorce results. I am trying not to push my luck. The thing is, that if I had to choose between my animals and my husband, it would be a really hard decision. I think my husband loves me enough to know that and he tries to understand my attachment to fur, poop, and dander.

After the dog left, I called my husband to let him know that the dog was already on her way back to her home. He, I must say, was proud of me. His initial reaction to the situation was, "just run the f#*king dog over, you aren't keeping it, it isn't your problem." After the dog was gone though, he told me he was proud of me, for both saving the dog and for getting it back out of his house before he saw it. I was cheerful, but also hungry. I decided that it was a good time to head out to...Whole Foods,...for dinner. Those people know I have no life. I'm okay with that though. I ate dinner there and TLL enjoyed all the attention she got.

I am typing this meaningless blog post (you thought I didn't realize it, huh) and missing my babies so, so, so much. My heart actually hurts. I miss my H with a vengeance. It is awful to be without him. He has been constantly with me since the day he was born (just about) he has spent the night away a couple of times, but nothing like this. TLL just went to sleep and I am lonely...WTF??? I know I made the right decision though, I talked to my Mom earlier and she was stressing H's cast and not letting him do much of anything physical. She will be a better nurse than I am, mostly because I have really enjoyed watching him play this past week. I find his eagerness to play comforting. Sitting in that hospital, I was so worried that he was going to have to get plates and need surgery, and...you get the idea.

Kisses babies...I miss you all!

Guilt, crocodile tears, and freedom

Hercules had his follow up with the Orthopedic Specialist today. I called earlier in the week to make the appointment. I was told that the doctor would be too busy to see him this week and that either Monday or Tuesday of next week would be the first available. Which was one wrong answer in a row. So, I left my name and number and requested a scheduling supervisor return my call. The week flew by, and before I realized it, it was Thursday and I hadn't heard back. I called again, and please allow me to say that the woman I spoke with was completely awful.

Bitchy Broad: Dr. X does not have any openings this week, we have spoken with the doctor and he told us that Monday or Tuesday of next week would be fine.
Me: I cannot believe that there isn't another doctor that can see my child, or that there isn't somewhere I can take my son to have x-rays done, and then one of your doctors can review them.
Bitchy Broad: What you are asking me to do is flaunt protocol. We have procedures in place designed to best care for our patients. As the patient is your child, I would think you would be more understanding of this.
Me: I truly want the best care for my son. That is why I want the x-rays done this week. If the bones are not mending correctly, I want it caught early on, so as not to cause my child any additional distress. What really bothers me is that you won't schedule the appointment with a different doctor, I never met Dr. X, my son never met Dr. X, Dr. X didn't do the procedure.
Bitchy Broad: Dr. X was the attending on duty. Do you not care about your child's continuity of care?
Me: *At this point I went ballistic. Common sense and reasoning were getting me absolutely nowhere.* "My family has an out of town funereal to attend, providing that my son is able to go. That is in and of itself a tragedy. Can you please help us to take care of our child, meet our obligations, pay our respects, and mourn?" *It is probably important to add that I was sobbing by this point. Thank you high school drama coach, I wish I could remember your name.*

Amazingly enough, we got an appointment today at ten. If I wasn't going to Hell before, I am now on the fast track. I have terrible guilt issues over this, but...I have five children with the sixth on the way. Without going to the doctor first, there was no way that I could have sent H to my Mom for a week, and I really need to start looking for a new place to rent. I need to get caught up with my own doctor appointments, I need to find the children a new pediatrician. I have so, so, so much to do and so little time. I really need this break.. Not emotionally. I am already missing my babies terribly, and they haven't even left yet. Physically though, I need to rest. Also this will be the last opportunity for me to bond with my baby, as the baby. She is only 9 months old, and I think she needs this time for just the two of us before the new baby is born even more than I do. I am sorry Bitchy Scheduling Broad, I lied to you for my own personal gain. Thank you for being so nasty and mean that it was relatively easy for me to do it.

Results:

• For now H looks good, although they want to see him back on 4/6.
• H and BB are going to visit my parents for a week.
• JB and LB just left for my Aunt's this afternoon for almost a week.
• I confessed all to the supervisor on duty today. I think that it was much easier than Confession, she seemed to find me funny.
• Now I will probably make Easter Sunday mass. Maybe even the sunrise service. Guilt...it does a Catholic good.