Where has all the coffee gone?

Sometimes, when I look around me all I see is chaos and despair. Today is one of those days that I woke up to a puddle in front of the door because one dog couldn't make it until morning. There are dirty dishes in my sink, the coffee pot has done a runner in the middle of the night (seriously WTF) and the cat beat me to the keyboard. Then I look all around me and I see toys. EVERYWHERE, I see toys. There are clothes on the floor. There are book bags strewn around with their straps grabbing for my ankles to see if I can't fall on my ass. A can of soda that was spilled on my coffee table and left to dry in a sticky splendor.

I can't say that my house never looks like this when I'm here alone (well, minus the absence of caffeine brewing machinery and sticky soda) because it would be a lie. I can say that when I am here by myself, I am prepared to greet my shitastic first floor. It looks like it did when I went to bed the previous night. If I was too lazy to move a book bag off the stairs, at least I know it is there waiting for me in my sleepy stupor. If I decided to screw off and not do dishes, I know they will be there. It is frustrating and upsetting when I wake up to find that a tornado has torn through my home and nothing has been left in the place I last saw it. The shock combined with the reality sucks worse than the reality alone.

I went to bed last night a full hour after I was ready, and at least three hours before what my husband thinks is a normal bedtime. I was tired. I am tired. Having him home is driving me crazy. The children don't listen to me because Daddy is here. The schedule has been tossed out the window because my husband doesn't believe in them. Every single thing that I take comfort from is history right now (the coffee pot is the kicker) and I am having a really hard time not resenting it.

I should be more flexible. More understanding perhaps. In truth...I'm just pissed. He will leave again on Saturday, and it will be my burden to bear alone that the children no longer recognize bedtime. I will have to make them and myself miserable to get back on a schedule. It will be my job to put away all the toys that Daddy kept saying, "they don't have to do it right now..." I am longing for Saturday and dreading it all at the same time.

What a strange and miserable place we are in. My husband is frustrated because the children won't leave him alone, so he can't work in the evenings. I am frustrated because he is like the block that didn't quite fit right and sent the tower tumbling. When we are able, will we ever be able to come back from this place we are in? Will it ever again feel like we are working together in harmony, or are we just going to drift further and farther apart?

This post is awfully pessimistic. I guess that is what happens when I wake up to hours worth of work and no coffee. Throw in an 11 year old with a crappy attitude and you have a perfect recipe for gloom and doom.

Diapers, casts, ties, and happily ever after

The weather is awful here, for the second day in a row. Unfortunately, today I really NEED to go to Costco. The alternative is to learn how to use a cloth diaper, really fast. Have I mentioned how much I hate to drive? That feeling is intensified about ten fold when the roads are wet. Ugh. There are other factors motivating me as well. We used the last paper plate last night and I hate doing dishes. I still have 100 free prints to redeem at the photo kiosk and I really want to see some of our Easter pictures on good old fashioned photo paper. The food court is beyond reasonable, H and I can both eat lunch there for three dollars. He actually eats a whole foot long hot dog by himself. So, it looks like we'll be heading out to Costco today.

H's x-ray yesterday was good. We don't have to go back until the first week in May when they will probably take his cast off! Yay! He has figured out that his cast is a lethal weapon. He cuffed me in the head with it yesterday at the hospital a half dozen times. I am choosing to believe that he was acting out because he was scared, which is probably total bullshit, but it makes me feel better. I am also still nursing a slightly black eye from taking a shot from his cast in the dead of night. It hurt so badly that it woke me up, while H slumbered on oblivious. They offered yet again to recover the cast with a new color, but I again declined. After hanging out in the waiting room for better than two hours, I decided my time was more important than cosmetic improvements to his cast.

BB is under the impression that he will need to wear a suit and tie for his 5th grade graduation. I hope this is just his imagination in overdrive. After shelling out mucho dinero for H's arm and getting Hubby's tires and oil changed, I would prefer not to have to buy a suit for a child that will wear it once for a couple of hours. My parents are planning to drive up for this glorious occasion, and my grandparents and assorted aunts and uncles are also expected to attend. Is it just me, or is my family overreacting a bit to an elementary school graduation? I can assure you, he isn't the first in our family to attain this milestone. The graduation is June 1st and I am due June 7th. I am NOT looking forward to all the company, because, in case you thought I invited them...nope. Of course, being my family...they won't let a little thing like an invitation stand in their way. *sigh*

Okay that is all for random thoughts that are bothering me at the moment. I will now turn my attention to my overly needy children. Damn good thing they manage to coordinate their own crappy moods...I can't imagine what life would be like if only one were screaming at a time.

It was a happy Bunny Day!

On Saturday, the children and I dyed Easter eggs. We used all natural vegetable colorants instead of traditional dyes. I think they came out quite pretty. The children were disappointed because the natural dyes aren't conducive to multi-colored eggs. I was loving the cleanup though. No need to do it outside on newspaper, a sponge and a dab of dish soap was completely adequate to erase the mess. Nothing stained my sink, my children's fingers, or my dishes!

Saturday night, my husband and I went out to a movie. A big thanks to my stepson for hanging out with the kids! We saw The Fast and the Furious 4!!! I love Vin Diesel. He actually reminds me a lot of Hubby. When Hubby and I met, he was so serious about working out that he measured his biceps daily. One of his biceps used to be 32inches around, now that is his waist measurement. Alas, I digress...the movie was great! I'm so glad we got to see it. After we got home, it was time for the Easter Bunny to get her tush in gear. She did and the above picture was taken at an odd angle because the Easter Bunny couldn't get her husband to move and she didn't want him in the picture.

We had a nice Easter lunch at my Grandparent's house. This is TLL playing with a stick that she dug out from under the blanket. The series is quite funny, especially the 'after' we took the stick away shots.

That is our Jelly Belly! Such a cutie pie she is. She had lots of fun on the Easter egg hunt that my family did for them.

The gang is all here (as always the boys are fighting) and they are Jelly Belly, Little Boy, Big Boy, Hubby, The Little Lady, and Hercules.

It was a pretty great weekend. Today we have H's appointment to have his x-rays done. If this x-ray is good, then we'll get a break from weekly check-ups (and weekly $50 co-pays) and have to go back in another four weeks when they'll try to take his cast off. Here's hoping!!!

Closed, closed, closed

Is it just me, or is it incredibly expensive to take your kids out to eat these days? Eating out really isn't in our budget, but, I do want my kids to know that restaurants exist. Last night was what I thought was going to be a perfect chance to be frugal and extravagant all at the same time. The children each got a certificate for reading (fill in the blank because I forgot) number of books, each certificate is good for one free personal pizza at Pizza Hut. So, the plan was to eat at Pizza Hut. Hubby and I would get the buffet, I helped myself to JB's certificate for H to use since JB spent last night with a friend. It was going to be about $25.00 including the tip.

Except...our Pizza Hut has closed down. This would not be particularly notable, but, this is the third place we used to frequent that we have tried to visit in the last week, that is now closed. Two of our favorite ice cream shops have locked their doors and now Pizza Hut. Ugh. So, we went to plan B (which of course we didn't actually have) and drove towards Wal-Mart, where we needed to visit for litter boxes (which were out of stock) and found that one of my favorite pizza places from my working lunch years has a new location. Yeah!!! So we stopped there for dinner. Holy Hell. Pizza for two adults and three kids, with three kiddie drinks and one adult beverage (water for me) came to fifty flipping dollars. A full quarter of what I spent at the grocery store yesterday...just for pizza.

I am shocked to admit that I am traumatized. Not having an income of my own has apparently given me a different perspective about spending money. While I still spend too much, it isn't with the same abandon that I used to. *Maybe this is why all our favorite places have gone belly up?* Today we are having oven fried chicken for dinner. I am using chicken that has been hanging out in the freezer waiting for me to get desperate, and it is already languishing in lowfat buttermilk, waiting to be dipped in spices and whole wheat panko. I am also making mashed potatoes with the remainder of what was starting to go bad in my pantry. Can you say guilt anyone?

Around the world in 80 clicks...15 things

Wow! When I read the original post regarding Around the World in 80 clicks over at Her Bad Mother's Blog, I never thought I would be participating. Monica, over at And I'll Raise You 5, changed all that. She got tagged and she passed on the love! I will admit to really liking the way that she approached her post, it seemed to coincide nicely with another one of her posts (which was a great way to vent, click here to read that one) and with a challenge issued by Jodie, over at a mom and her camera. So, since I hear that imitation is one of the most sincere forms of flattery, I think I am going to take a page out of both of their books with my post.

5 things that I hate to admit:

1. H hasn't had a bath since he got his cast. Since I have been made aware of the possible repercussions of getting his cast wet...I decided that I would rather him stink. I do give him sponge baths several times a day, but, they aren't sufficient to erase all proof of his adventures.
2. I am kinda easy going with H's meals. He grazes all day with very little recognition of actual meal time until dinner. He is in the 94th percentile for height and the 98th percentile for weight, with a BMI that made me cry (those are my genes and that is so damn unfair) so I think that no permanent damage is being done by my lazy Mommy approach.
3. I hate taking my kids to birthday parties. My daughter has one on Saturday and I am totally planning on pawning her off on BFF's mom who is also going. I don't know these people, chances are we don't have much in common, I hate crowds, and I DON'T WANNA!!!!!!
4. I NEVER check to see if my children get all the shampoo out. I figure better soap than dirt, so I just let this one go. My mother swears I am going to permanently damage my children's heads because the soap will make them itch, so they'll scratch...you get the idea. I haven't noticed any itching, if I had I would probably go into, "Oh my God...not lice" freak out mode.
5. I am an organic food freak. Please note that it started out as a quest to feed my husband food that is better for him. He has had two heart attacks. I am crazy about trying to pump foods into him that have been shown to lower cholesterol, foods that act as natural anti- inflammatories, and foods that have lots of antioxidants. Then I read that chemicals in pesticides (on conventional food) can be counter productive to eating lots of foods that are high in antioxidants. Organic eating became a quest...and one that I am darn good at. I also decided that if I was going to feed my husband the best, I should do the same for the children and myself. I spend no more on my groceries now than I did before we made the change. Maybe a little more on cleaning products, but, I really do like doing my part for Mother Earth.

5 things that I didn't know were going to suck about motherhood:

1. Children that talk back. When you start out with a sweet little baby, you can never make the leap from that bundle of joy to a surly preteen. At least, I couldn't make my mind go there. Now we ARE there, and I hate it.
2. Having to fix meals for your children, when seriously you are so damn tired and don't understand why cereal can't be good enough...just this once.
3. NEVER getting to have an adult conversation without one of those aforementioned surly preteen children stopping by to find out WHO you are talking to, WHAT you are talking about, and WHY it is necessary that you talk to anyone that isn't them.
4. Having to bite back the impulse to say, "just leave me the fuck alone," ten times a day. This often coincides with number 3. Sometimes, the "mom" that is repeated until I answer, in a voice that increases by several decibels each time it is said, feels like little bullets hitting my brain. There are times, when I am trying to put a sleeping baby down in the crib, or when I am on the phone with the school's principal that I just can't answer. Since it isn't like I'm wearing shoes or know where my car keys are...I am obviously not running away...so please just wait a second.
5. Temper tantrums. Okay, I had heard about the terrible twos...but the threes, fours, fives, sixes, sevens, and so on too? What the hell is this?

5 things that I love about being a Mom:

1. Babies. I LOVE babies. The first year of life is so awesome. I really don't care about never sleeping or about spit up...to get to hold that squirmy baby who is MINE all MINE!!! I love babies.
2. Toddlers and learning. There is nothing as funny, cute, or pride inducing as my little ones telling me all about the big bad world, how it works, and what their place is in it. I love this stage where everything is magic to them. It makes the tantrums and constant boundary pushing worthwhile.
3. Cuddles. I love how even the most surly of the preteen crowd, will pick a quiet moment (away from witnesses) to come and just be hugged and kissed and loved. THAT is one part of my job that I take really seriously.
4. Excitement. When all the chips are down for Mom and Dad, and all I really want to do is cry, I just have to look at my kids. Seeing the excitement on their faces, the eagerness for the world to be theirs...I know that no matter what is going on behind the scenes, the real goal is getting accomplished. We may be imperfect parents, but, we are still raising helluva good kids.
5. The word "Mom" every time it is said without the whiny undertone, and even sometimes when it is. My kids make me feel like a rock star. I may not be a household name, but, I mean enough to these guys that it completely makes up for it.

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Okay, now to tag five more blogs...


1. Kim's blog, Stuck in the Suburbs
2. KP's blog, Ventalicious
3. Karen's blog, The Rocking Pony
4. Jude's blog, Just Teeth

A blog that I found in a search, from Down Under

5. The Way of Life in Oz

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed very near

Yesterday brought a great many things. The principal had the guidance counselor return my call. I met with them at the school in the afternoon. Fortunately, I have more practice speaking over my small children than they do...so the floor was mine for the taking. The end result is of course...living with the status quo. The only thing that I really hoped to gain at this point, was establishing a name/face recognition with the principal. So that in the future, I might have an easier time getting her attention if necessary. I hope that has been done.

Then the big kids and I went to an Easter Egg Hunt and an egg decorating class at our Whole Foods market. The kids were disappointed by the egg hunt, and I was disappointed by the egg decorating class. Each of my kids found an average of two eggs on the egg hunt...I can hardly imagine the results if all 25 children had shown up, we had 12. The egg decorating class had claimed to be a class teaching children how eggs could be naturally colored and decorated. In reality they had about ten egg decorating kits that were anything but natural. My kids had the best time though! In the end it was their enjoyment that mattered most, I'm not sure anyone will ever ask to sample any of their creations. I sent one child to school today with pale purple fingers and two with pale blue fingers. I have two fingertips that have faded from bright orange to a "does she have hepatitis yellow" so I think I am going to declare our egg dyeing duties over for this Easter season.

Home was really lovely last night. MY HUSBAND IS DRIVING ME FREAKING NUTS! He fixed dinner for himself last night. No mention of the children or myself. He did wait until after we got back from our Easter fun to start his dinner, because, he can't cook and watch children "at the same time." Then after dinner he proceeded to tell me about how he really needed to go over the material for the training class he is taking today and tomorrow. *I'm not the engineer...but, if I had the book for say a month, and say for the first 25 days I had the book, my days were child free, and say I knew that when I got home that I would have 5 children wanting my attention...I think I would have studied BEFORE I came home. Please note, I am not the engineer.* Of course, last night was another bedtime disaster. Hubby thought that since H had a short nap so that I could make the school conference, he would put him down for a nap at five in the evening. He also called to let me know that the baby fell out of her swing onto the tile floor because he 'forgot' to strap her in. Fortunately, no concussions or brain damage seem to have resulted.

I finally walked the baby to sleep last night. Then I told Hubby that I was too tired to see H through to bedtime. I hit the bed, Hubby and H came up a few minutes later. TLL woke up an hour later. I walked her back to sleep. She was up two hours after that. Hubby brought her into bed with us. Then she got up again around 4:30. Hubby made her a bottle and I put her back to sleep. I went back to bed. Hubby woke me up a half hour later to inform me that he couldn't fall back to sleep. He also told me that his training class was going to be a disaster because he was exhausted, and of course it was all my fault. *sigh* I hope he has a good day and comes home in a decent mood.

Okay...I know I'm beating a dead horse

In the waiting room...
Hubby: H keeps hitting me with his cast. Do something!!!
Me: *Quietly wondering why I am supposed to solve the problem. Am I the only parent present?*


In the parking garage...
Hubby: I hated H riding in the back of the stroller yesterday. I want you to put him up front today.
Me: H rides better in the back.
Hubby: Just do it the way I told you to.

...fast forward three minutes...

Hubby: Why in the hell is this stroller so hard to push?
Me: H has his feet in the wheels. He also locked the front wheels with his sneaker.
Hubby: What the f*#k is this? I'm not going to help if he is going to act like this.
Me: Would you like to stop and switch H to the back of the stroller? Where he can't reach the wheels?
Hubby: No. He is fine.

In our kitchen...
Hubby: *sitting at the bar eating his dinner*
Me: BB, JB, LB, H...wash your hands and come downstairs. Dinner is ready!
Hercules: I wanna go outside!
Hubby: Where are your shoes?
Hercules: Here they are. *hands them to his Dad who puts them on his feet*
Hubby: LB, go outside with H and watch him. *opens door for kids*
Me: *pulling on pants, I was in my pj's*
Hubby: Where are you going? Come get your plate. *he is sitting back down at bar and eating*
Me: To get the kids. I need to feed them dinner before I eat.
Hubby: Why?
Me: LB is too little to watch H. It is okay (sorta) if they are playing out back, but never out front. Also, most parents feed their children before themselves.
Hubby: Oh. *looking completely disinterested and eating his dinner*