Oh, by the way...

This weekend was wonderful. Really and truly. Hubby and I had my stepson come over Saturday to hang out with the children while we went off and just enjoyed being with each other. We had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's, which I love because they have something called a Ruby T, which is a mixture of pomegranate juice and iced tea, that they serve with free refills. Yum. Then we went to our local (very nifty) outdoor mall where Hubby took advantage of American Eagle's tee shirt sale and I lost myself in the bookstore. We enjoyed a cup of coffee on a bench by the turtle pond and talked about how cute the kids playing around us were...or possibly how much cuter our kids are. It was an awesome day!

Today we took the kids to the mall to walk around and have lunch. Then it was off to Costco (such a love/hate relationship there) where I picked up cheap frozen yogurt on the way out for the children. We dropped our shopping off at home and headed for the park. The kids had a good time burning off some energy and we enjoyed watching them. I needed to run into Target on the way home and...we pulled into the parking lot to find LOTS of people just staring at the sky. We got to join them and see the launch of the space shuttle Discovery. Very Cool. We even got pictures! Talk about a perfect ending to a fantastic weekend.

Oh, and Hubby decided that he was ready and able to come to terms with baby number six. Whew. I was starting to get worried. We will be welcoming a new little person sometime in June...probably June...not sure yet...still trying to get a definitive kind of date. Tonight, right now, I am feeling happy and content. Dare I say optimistic? Soon...maybe tomorrow, you will probably hear the negative and an outpouring of fears and anxiety. Mood swings, ya know? Right now however, I am going to say a reluctant goodbye to Hubby and go to bed with happy thoughts of six children...half under three...dancing in my head.

Nice to be missed

Today Hubby and I went out to paint the town (not really, details forthcoming) and when we got home...my son, BB, had changed the screen saver on my computer, it now flashes, "My Mom is a Nazi," in a beautiful script with little smears of blood accentuating Nazi. So nice to be loved.

Do you think I'm Superman?

Okay...so my husband is coming home this weekend (maybe) and here is the phone conversation we had about his visit.

Me: So, you filled out the p/w so that you can leave early on Friday, right?
Hubby: No. I forgot. I used the comp time as O/T though.
Me: What?
Hubby: Next time I'll remember.
Me: So, what time are you going to be home on Friday?
H: Probably like six or seven, I can still leave a little early.
Me: That isn't too bad. I just don't want you to come for a day and a half and you be too tired to spend any time with me or the kids and everyone is miserable again. Like the last time.
H: Well, I wouldn't be so tired if you gave me more of a chance to relax when I'm home. Do you realize that I went to bed at midnight last time? Did you forget that I had to put both the little ones to sleep? Then I woke up twice during the night with the baby. If you don't help me more with the kids, there is no way that I can do anything. I'll be too tired. It is too hard to get up with the baby and then get up with the kids in the morning. Do you think I'm Superman or something?
Me: (complete and total dumbfounded silence...shocked that anyone could be this stupid)

I just talked to Hubby again, and now he is telling me that he'll have to work late tonight. Which will put him here sometime in the wee morning hours. If he comes. Frankly, I won't miss him too much if he doesn't make it. I'll probably be too busy relaxing and letting the nanny tend to the children. Maybe I should just send the older ones to boarding school.

When YOU don't like the BFF

What do you do when you can't stand your child's best friend? My daughter has a best friend that we'll call Diva. I really don't like this little girl. I have had her over to the house a couple of times to play and I took the girls to a movie. Each time she has been in close proximity to me, I have struggled to be nice to her. I feel bad saying this because I know I grew up as one, but this child is a pampered princess.

Her mother often invites JB to sleepover, or go to the mall, and over to play. At some point, I talked to Diva's mom and explained that with all my children, I just couldn't handle having one more. Diva's mom was really nice (super hard to understand) and said it was no big deal because they love having JB and of course how well behaved she is. I was secretly sad that this wasn't going to turn into an in school only friendship.

Then, my daughter came home sad one day because Diva had informed her that they were no longer best friends. Diva was now the best friend of the girl who had not invited Diva to her party which JB boycotted because her BFF wasn't going to be there. That was the day that I took the kids to the movies coincidentally. Whatever...kids will be kids...and all of that. I comforted JB the best I could.

Last weekend JB insisted on spending her allowance to get Diva a new pair of earrings at the mall. I like to encourage selfless giving so I let this slide. Tonight, JB wanted to drop one of the cookies she decorated at the Kids in the Kitchen class at our Whole Foods, off to Diva on our way home. I acquiesced and was treated to the rare occasion when Diva remembered to say 'thank you' and she even hugged JB.

I am however left to wonder somewhat quietly if JB isn't trying to buy Diva's friendship. Maybe I am just being paranoid, but, my Mommy Sense is tingling. What do you do when you don't like your children's friends?

Senility maybe?

My mother is crazy. I really am starting to believe it is true. About a month ago we were on the phone when a little boy laid his bicycle down on her grass to get his ball that he had dropped. She turned into the Psycho Grandma, she ran outside and started yelling at this kid. She wanted to know if his bike had a kickstand and why he wasn't using it. Then she told him that if his ball ever rolled into her yard again, she wanted him to ring the doorbell and IF it was a convenient time she would get his ball for him. If. She was so mean to this kid that I kept thinking about what I would do if someone yelled at one of mine like that. When she finally got back on the phone, I told her that I thought she was WAY out of control and out of touch with the world. I also suggested that she find the time to go apologize to this child and his parents...she was that awful.

Then a couple of weeks ago someone called and woke her up from her nap, they wanted her to make a donation to the Fraternal Order of Police. She was outraged and called the police non emergency number (I hope) and demanded to speak to someone in charge of the fundraiser. When the officer explained that the people making the calls were actually telemarketers, she instead took the opportunity to complain about the way the police officers in her neighborhood drive. She by her own report talked to this guy for almost an hour about the many incidents when she saw a police officer either driving badly or failing to pull over another car that was driving badly. Not that she could provide vehicle numbers...but she just thought they should know.

Today, we were on the phone when she clicked over to take another call, my policy is count to 30, if I'm still waiting, I hang up. She called me back an hour later claiming she had just hung up the phone with someone from Peru who called on behalf of Capital One. Turns out they called to ask her to make a payment today because the last payment she sent in was a dollar shy of what it should have been and her account was in default. As opposed to actually dealing with the problem, she went ape shit on this phone rep about how the state of the economy was all Capital One's fault because they outsource their jobs to Peru. Can you imagine what the person on the other end of the phone was thinking? I mean really?

When my mother does stuff like this and then tells me about it, like it is perfectly rational behavior, it really scares me. Last summer, my sons came home talking about how Grandma opened two boxes of dryer sheets and stuffed as many as she could fit in the box she was buying. I called to remind her what shoplifting was and to ask that she please not involve my children as accomplices. She was dumbfounded about why I was upset. She kept telling me that everyone does that because they never fill the boxes all the way at the factory. Is it really possible that she believes that?

Ugh!

Thanks Sunshine State!

Today begins four days of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test for my older two. I would just like to thank the lovely state of Florida for making it a requirement for advancement that a student must 'pass' the FCAT...and then setting the students of our state up for success by scheduling the test on the first week after DST began.

Don't read this...I'll just confuse you

Okay, I've been noticing that several of my favorite blog goddesses are having trouble coming up with things to write about. I so cannot relate right now. I have more things to say than I can coherently unravel from my jumbled mind. The problem with everything that is swirling around inside my brain is that much of what is plaguing me is a small detail of a larger problem. Therefore I have been refraining from trying to put words to what is bothering me, but, I think my head may just explode if I don't, so I'm going to try. To avoid confusion (yours) and embarrassment (mine) if you are reading this you may wish to tune out now.

It was brought to my attention in a rather abrupt way, like while doing 70mph and trying to merge from one interstate to another, that EVERYTHING I own is broken and only half works, which is a constant source of frustration and stress for me. The bad ignition switch in my truck is a fine and rather expensive example. The steamer I used to clean my kids' carpet this weekend is another. The handle falls off, so in order to dispense the shampoo, the operator must exert ten times the amount of effort that is supposed to be necessary to use it. The modem for my computer is a third. While my stepson was watching the kids the other weekend, their wrestling match apparently ended with someone hitting the computer desk. The modem fell, broke, whatever. Instead of telling me, they hit the a/c adaptor with a hammer got it working and left me wondering why my connection was so crappy until guilt got the better of BB and he confessed. These are three examples of a trend in my life. Shit breaks, but, then...it doesn't get fixed because it is by itself a small annoyance, a barely perceptible time/energy suck. However, when EVERYTHING in your life is in this same state of not BROKEN but not right limbo...the combination is overwhelming and defeating. Like you cry because your can opener has to be jerry-rigged back together after each and every can you open. Worth tears? No. If anyone else has been there, they probably know what I mean though.

BB's never ending, ongoing saga of slacking off at school. I am so tired of being tired of dealing with teachers/admin/guidance counselors/etc and begging for them to help me stay on top of him so he doesn't fall behind. He has two teachers. One teacher was concerned with his absences (this cold/flu season has so been hell) because she has already been fighting to get him to keep up with his work. She contacted me, with her sitting on BB at school and me cracking the whip at home, we got him 100% caught up in two days. Whew! The other teacher sent home a list of what he hasn't done for the last six weeks. OMG!!! The vast majority of it was classwork from when he was PRESENT. It took us five days of me neglecting the other kids and my home and him crying and begging for mercy...with us working non stop to get his work done. Excuse me, but, what the hell is she doing in school when he isn't working? Six weeks worth of shit. Really.

My parents. I love my parents. My kids love my parents. There is however a total lack of understanding between us. The biggest issue is BB. I hate the way they interfere with BB. I ground him from games, they send him a new one. They even sent it to Nana's house so she would give it to him and I wouldn't censor it straight from the mailbox. They tell him that he can come visit over the school holiday if he does all of his work and doesn't fall behind...they told him this to motivate him (or so they tell me)...of course, now that he has fallen behind they want to amend that agreement to 'brings his grades up' before the break. Then, they fail to understand why I ask them not to help. Number one, it is ultimately my decision if he goes or not. Therefore, it is not terribly practical to make promises on my behalf to try and force my arm on the issue. Number two, if you tell him that blank is the reward for good behavior and blank is the consequence of bad behavior, and then you always alter your expectations so that he can get the reward...he learns nothing...and we all look like idiots in my son's eyes. When I try explaining this to them...well that really will fill a whole post. So, for now I'll just say that break starts at the end of the month. They want him to come, and my mother is particularly persistent because of her health in wanting him to go. On one hand I would be devastated if something happened to my mom and I was the reason they couldn't share one last visit, on the other, she has without exaggeration on my part, been telling me for 25 years that she was dying. It is kind of hard to take her seriously when she adds, "for real this time," at least twice a year.

My kids are total slackers. I am a total slacker at heart. If all five kids produce laundry, make messes, and need to be fed...and I am only one person washing, cleaning, and cooking...mathematically it is impossible for me to keep up with all of their needs if they aren't doing their part. The reality is that I am totally stressed and tired out. I require my kids to pick up their own toys, walk the dogs twice a day, put their dirty laundry in the hamper, pour dog and cat food into bowls, and listen to me. They on the other hand bitch and moan to my parents who call me and say things like, "expecting an 11 year to hold a baby while you do whatever is child abuse you know." Riiiight...must have been why I was babysitting at 11. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with my 11 year old, who is my size, holding his sister so that I can pull a pan out of the oven. Beats the hell out of me burning the baby and all of us skipping dinner in favor of a trip to the emergency room. I also see nothing wrong with the kids cleaning up after themselves. I was an *only child* my half sisters had already moved out before I was born. So, I guess as a SAHM to one, my mother could do all the work and live to tell the tale. I have five, at least for now, and I cannot wipe their tushes for them and spend all day following them around with paper towels, a spray bottle, and a trash bag. The kids have to pull their own weight. When I point this out to my mother, she loves to tell me that *I was the the one to have five kids* and of course she is right. One of the reasons I have a big family, was that my growing up years were great, but, I was always jealous of my dad and his brothers and sisters (he is one of 8) at family gatherings. I want my kids to know what it is like to be part of a big family, and I want them to learn to do things for themselves. One of the reasons I am such a sucktastic housekeeper is because I never had to do anything for myself (like ever honestly) and frankly it is a real bummer to clean up after myself. I don't want my kids to grow up with that attitude, it is darn hard to overcome, and I'll let you know if I ever do. I was also a pretty lonely kid, but I am surely not a lonely Mommy. I would never go back and do it any other way. I like my family and being 'the Mama' to these awesome kids too much to change anything...but, I would love to have them help more with chores. I can have both right? It is okay to love my family, but still see room for improvement...right?

Okay, I think I feel better. At least I feel more cheerful and am actually thinking about cleaning out my lame duck truck and letting my H and TLL soak up some sun while I do it.