Little Bo Peep lost her sheep...and Viv found them

My vacation is taking care of my six kids, my flock of (20) birds, our six guinea pigs, four hamsters, and a total of fifteen dogs, seven cats, Boss Lady's flock of 11 birds, two bunnies, a bearded dragon, and their hamster. (They have two snakes too, which blessedly, have already eaten.) I am totally in my element here, I only wish that my children were far, far away from my element. This work-cation is really for them though. They have been swimming in the pool, running after dogs, playing on the swings, jumping on the trampoline, having picnics in the shade under the trees, and feeding crickets to the bearded dragons.

*I* have been cleaning bird cages, serving meals to the menagerie, and sweeping the floors six times a day. I keep hoping to have the energy left after the kids go to sleep to take advantage of the pool myself...thus far...not so much. I have been snuggling sweet dogs, turning a rescued puppy mill dog into a tail wagging, people jumping, pseudo-extrovert...which her family sees all the time, I am sure, but it has been rewarding to have her come out of her shell with me.

Entertaining the masses today (okay fine, just my aunt, and neighbor's family as he is doing some work on the property out here) and keeping the kids from drowning felt like a full time occupation today. I think that tonight I'll go to bed early (not too early, last let out for the dogs is midnight) and bring my coffee maker over here in the morning. I am in need of caffeine. This is day two without coffee...and you all know, I need my coffee.

In other news, my Lilly has been so flipping awesome with everyone. I'm so proud. My other dogs have been great too. Turns out that the snarling beast my Patty becomes when faced with strangers is actually just a bad case of leash aggression...who knew???!!!

I have a new bird, a quaker named Kiwi. Kiwi came into my life just a couple of days before we left, and he grabbed my heart with an iron fist. He is fifteen years old, and he quickly wrapped me and my favorite Nanday around his beak. Even the kids adore him. I was sobbing yesterday because I missed him so much (I go back everyday to feed and check on our crew with the exception of the dogs who came with) and was really sad to be without him. Today was better, he gave me kisses and accepted my parting gift of people junk food with much enthusiasm. My Nan gave me kisses too, and I miss them terribly, but, I don't feel as badly about leaving them today. It is especially happy that they have each other for company.

Boss Lady has around 5,000 cable channels. Whoot! Gather children, and let Dora work her magic, and have her wicked way with you. I know this a horrible substitute for mind stimulating, mother led, activity. On the plus side, working the remote is like a lesson in computer science.

Okay, well, I am about to put my midgets upstairs in the hope that they will go to sleep. I will slip out to the pool, and hopefully swim off a few of the strawberry milkshake creme oreos that I just ate...with fat free milk of course.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Tonight I blog from Boss Lady's home. We are house/dog/bird/etc sitting for her family this week. Tonight, is our first night here, and with the exception of one very headstrong dog who refuses to come in, all is well. This is the first night that I have spent away from my babies by choice in....well, ever. BB and JB are my oldest, and, the only two with me here tonight.

My dogs are here with us, and they are being amazing. They acted like they had been here all their lives, and their dogs acted like they had been reunited with their long lost siblings. Very cool. Very cool, because I was super stressed about it. All four legged animals are at peace.

I am almost in tears missing my birds though. It is really hard to be away from them, I know that my hubby didn't kiss our Nanday good night. My sun conure hates my husband, and the quaker and the green cheek really don't know him. My babies! *sob*

I am less worried about my children with him. They are all pretty vocal at this point, and they will demand things like food and water. He is extremely frustrated because he has to watch the babies tonight...oddly (or perhaps not oddly at all) I am not sympathetic to this.

Okay, well, I will try to blog a bit more frequently now. My home network went down again, and they got it back up and running just shortly before I left home...so...here is hoping that I will be able to access the internet on a regular basis again.

"Oh,no she didn't!!!"

Lilly, our new dog is a pit bull. Yes, you heard me, a pit bull. She is the epitome of a well adjusted, happy, sweet, playful dog. She is the dog who responds favorably to new people, places, and things. She is the one who will take her walking orders from a tea cup poodle. She is the one who lets my kids use her as a step stool.

I wouldn't trust my chi mix with another person, child, or animal on the planet. She is mean. Not to her own, but to everyone and everything else. Would she bite? You bet! My JRT is far more mellow than my chi, and I trust her implicitly with my family and friends...as long as I'm holding her.

Lilly? I have zero fear that she will be aggressive with another human. Her strength is phenomenal. She will go into a trance with a big old beef knuckle bone in her teeth, until she cracks it with her jaws. At last count, that took seven minutes, and I strongly encourage all to be outside of the projected trajectory. Yet, her heart is gentle and pure.

I have no regrets about her being a part of our lives. It does however upset me when people freak out when they see her. Picking up your kids that are at least 40 feet away from her is going a tad far. Hollering nasty thoughts about my capability as a parent...BECAUSE OF MY DOG, is ludicrous.

Grow up people. Pits are not fighting machines. They *can* be bred that way. They *are* inherently brave. They are muscular, sleek, and awe inspiring. Most pits are lovers. They love their family, they are protective of their homes, and they are sweet, amazing companions. Smart, very, very smart dogs. Pits helped build this land in their role as farm dogs. AND...a pit bull, or any other dog, is more than 100 times less likely to kill a child, than that child's own parents. Really.

If you come to my house and you're afraid of my dog(s) please just ask me to keep them under lock and key while you or your child are here. Chances are, that was my plan anyway. I do buy dog food, so I have no need to try to coerce my animals into eating you or your offspring. Besides, trying new things upsets their digestive systems. So, get over it. Please?

Thanks. *Coming down from my soapbox.*

My Chi is, as are all my dogs, a rescue. Her aggression is limited to other animals and people she doesn't know. We take any and all necessary precautions to keep her and others safe. It is ironic though, that people will bring their children up and want to let them pet her...while she is muzzled...and then, those same people will run away from my APBT, who requires neither muzzle nor gruff word.

Hello...is anyone out there???!!!

It has been so long since I have blogged that I had to go back and read my own blog to figure out where I left off.

The job was awesome. It was perfect for me, and I think that Boss Lady was happy with what we accomplished. It did teach me that regular 9-5 work is not in my near future. It also taught me that there might be a niche for what I excel at, maybe one day, I can devote some more time to helping carve it.

Hercules broke another television. Yep. Another one. He totaled this one with a plastic hanger. I didn't even cry this time, I guess I am slowly becoming desensitized to calamity and disaster.

We threw our couch out. It was an impulse decision based on the fact that it was broken. Broken or not, I quickly found myself longing for a place to rest my fat ass weary bones. So, I salvaged a sofa and over sized chair from my neighbor's trash. Please picture one adult driving my SUV, a piece of furniture resting partially on the tailgate, a child holding onto the arm from the backseat, and me jogging along behind the vehicle supporting the rest of the furniture. One helluva mental image, right?

The sofa was actually picked out by our new dog, Lilly. She sat on it while it was on the curb for pick-up, and refused to get off. I think she was indicating to me that her new home was missing something. A few jugs of bleach from Costco, and I have 'new' living room furniture. truly, they surprised me with how well they cleaned up, and they are a very lovely off white leather...not even pleather, real leather.

Lilly is a three and a half year old AmStaff. She has decided not to eat my kids, cats, birds, or small neurotic dogs, and thus, she can stay. She is very, very cute. Black with white paws, white chest, and a white splash on the very tip of her tail. I had her informally evaluated by my new friend and sporadic Boss Lady, who gave her the 'thumb up' for being a good girl. Lilly is an alpha, but, defers to my JRT who is THE QUEEN BITCH, and lets my chi act like a big deal. My dogs hate anything with fur, and yet, they have given Lil their acceptance, so, she is now an official Proud pet.

While moving the living room furniture around yesterday, I had a bookcase collapse. It took out three pieces of furniture when it fell, including two fish tanks, the entertainment center, television, and another shelving unit. All but one fish and one snail were salvaged from the wreckage. To save on clean-up, I tried posting a "Mommy's Sushi Bar Is Now Open" sign for the cats, the picky little brats won't eat the stupid fish off the floor...only out of the tank. Apparently, there isn't any sport in scooping them off my tile.

The Proud family is doing okay, but, we have been busy. Now, I need to surf the internet, it has been almost a month since my home network has been working, and I am going through some serious withdrawal. See you on your blogs, I will catch up...just watch me!

Writer's Block...

...and I'm not even a writer.

There is so very much going on in my life right now. Some of it would make remarkable blog fodder, but, putting it out there doesn't feel right. So, I have been a little stuck for things to talk about. Let me catch you up, at least a little bit.

I found a job. It is just until the end of next week, but, a job it is. It is lovely. As a matter of fact, it is something that I would pay to do, so I feel a little like I'm cheating. I am helping a lady who is quite a bit like me, to organize and rearrange some things around her house. Her family has several dogs, cats, birds, a bunny. They also have a beautiful home, which has such a lovely feeling about it...I think that the feeling is love.

I have been feeling a bit stale about my own home, and I think that the inspiration to have my own home reflect the love I have for my family (though, granted not for the house itself) will come as a result of being exposed to the great karma that her home has. For the first time in a looong while, I had the chance to miss my kids without being actively involved in something that would benefit them, like grocery shopping, and there is a rejuvenating breeze that seemed to blow this afternoon as a result.

In other news, the kids are out of school for the summer, and I am trying to gain the gumption to send my grandmother an email thanking, but, 'no-thanking' her for looking into summer camp for the kids. I really just want to shut down for a time, and with the exception of my little 'job' I fully intend to do just that.

H has been off his gluten free diet because his last round of test results indicated that we could reintroduce it. WHAT A MISTAKE!!! I am already done with this experiment on week 2, and I think that he will be gluten free for...about the next 15 years, or until he moves out, whichever is later. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS!!! CAUTION! DANGER! JUST SAY NO! (Um, this was a very bad, dumb idea.)

Okay, so I am off to bed. I hope that all of my bloggy pals are well, and I will catch up on your blogs this weekend. Really, I will.

We are having a 'lazy Summer'

We are coming to the end of another school year. I am so very pleased and happy that the kids will be home, and that we'll be able to avoid alarm clocks and such for the time being. Summer vacation is a vacation from scheduling, at which I am doing quite poorly, at the moment. I think that the lack of sleep from the past two years has finally caught up with me in earnest. Sometimes I just can't wake up. I know I need to, I know I should...and still, the idea of getting out of bed at that moment, seems as impossible a task as taking flight. I'm hoping to recharge me batteries this summer.

Organization is another key component of my plans. We are going to finally have time to sit down and figure out what to keep, what to let go, and where to store it all. The kids might actually be as excited about this prospect as I am. A place for everything...not a novel idea, just not something we've enjoyed for a rather long time now.

Camp is most emphatically *not* part of my plans. I am not going to let the kids enroll in, nor let them be enrolled in anything that requires us to keep a schedule. I actually think the kids might be relieved about this one. Camp is fun, but, alarm clocks are not. Nor, is it fun to get seven people out the door by the time the rooster crows. I just have to remember to stay strong in my convictions when well meaning family try to 'help out.'

So, I say, "Come on Summer! I am longingly waiting for all the relief you bring, at the same time that I am dreading the heat and humidity that we must bear to entertain you." Please, this last week is one of the most difficult to bear...HURRY!!!

A 'real' post should be available tomorrow

Just a few random gems that I thought I might share...

How do you know that your bird's last family liked dipping into the powder? Because you rush your bird to the vet with it's terrible 'human-like' cold to find that it is merely mimicking snorts of different varieties. After careful consideration, I think that I might prefer a potty mouthed bird...just sayin.'

The same bird tried to remove my husband's arm last night. He sure is pretty (the bird) but, he is a real handful. Of course, immediately after removing a half dollar sized portion of my hubby's arm, he climbed up in my lap to give me kisses. I suspect that this bird likes the ladies.

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If your husband bitches non stop about helping? No matter how much help he is providing, you'll wish he stops...post haste.

I mean, this terrible, horrible, exhausting life that he keeps claiming is making him miserable and possibly killing him, is your own.

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My step son contacted me via Facebook. My husband encouraged me to ignore the request, I'm glad I didn't. He apologized, and now, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest.

This rather shifts the yin and yang of my world back into the appropriate balance. I love my step son, and I always will. No matter what happened in the past, that simple fact won't change. I will honestly admit that this applies to S alone, I haven't heard anything from N, and I wouldn't want to. While loving, doesn't cover 'liking' or 'trusting' necessarily, none of the above applies to N. My relationship with N was tenuous at best, before this past Fall, it is now completely non existent. I intend to keep it that way. N worked hard for years, at straining what little bond we had. After all that happened, it is broken beyond repair.

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My husband is throwing away my tee shirts as I type. Heads might roll.