When is a child no longer a child?

This is a post about children. Not my children, my husband's children. My two step sons are 20 and 22. Last Friday they burned their bridges with their mother. They are no longer welcome at their mom's house. A big fight, the police were called, etc. They spent the first couple of nights in the car. Then Sunday they came by for dinner, but were gone by the time I got home. Monday they were back about lunch time. Tonight, they are gone again.

These aren't children. These are young men. Who *should* be old enough now to know better. My husband is upset that they left. I'm not. I'm a bit upset that my oldest step son left. While I love both of the boys, S and I have always been closer than his younger brother and I are. N is moody and difficult to live with. S is easy going, fun, and loving around his younger siblings. N is just totally out of his element here.

N is one of those kids that can make it. He'll find the path and figure out a way. S is the one who'll obscure the path for N as long as they are together. I wish that my oldest step son had chosen to stay, let his brother figure out how to pick himself up and fly.

S is the more handsome of the two, charming, very likable. N is taller, thinner, and always appears to be thinking...making him hard to read and a little bit mysterious. N is a careful and dedicated worker. S is a reluctant worker at best, he has yet to find a job that he really likes and wants to apply himself at. When I look at S, still, all I can see is the little boy who came and sat on my lap and asked why I didn't come to visit him more often...because he "missed me." When I look at N, I am reminded of all the the family pictures we have with him holding his middle finger up. The comparisons I offer so freely about my step children are not unlike the comparisons I make about my own children, but, I am loathe to offer those for some strange reason.

I wish both of the boys the best. I love them both more than I can easily express. I hope that they find a way to fly on their own, even if it isn't this time, when they are so eager to spread their wings.