Jasper, the class pet

My second grader was nearly shivering with anticipation before his Open House because we were going to talk about his class pet there. I had no idea what to expect and I was terrified. I'm sure you guys read Diagnosis: Urine and remember Ice Cream*. I sat on the floor next to my son's desk praying I wouldn't totally lose my stuff when the teacher made the announcement. "Please meet Jasper our class pet," she said and I sat still staring at the floor unable to look. "Each of my students will be able to take Jasper home," my heart froze, the moment I had been dreading had arrived. If Jasper was a fish, we would kill it easy. I mean we do have one fish that has been with us for a couple of years now, but, he is a freak of nature, a survivor that has managed to stay afloat after several visits to our carpet and more than a few pets, but, that fish is definitely not the norm around here. We had a hamster once, I took the kids out of town for a few days to visit with my sister, my husband forgot we had it and, well, let us just say that it wasn't pretty. I watched a friend's guinea pig one summer when I was a little girl and my dog tried to eat it. I myself have two dogs now and two cats that I know in my heart would love to sink their teeth or claws into something small that would 'eek' in fright. I was was frozen to the spot while memories of furry (and some scaly) companions that had passed overloaded my brain. My heart pounded in my chest, blood poured into my ears and I could hear no more, until my son took my face between his hands and pointed it in the right direction and whispered, "don't you want to see him Mommy, our class pet?" I opened my eyes and saw him. Jasper the class pet is a stuffed bulldog.

Yesterday was an early release day and my second grader bounded in the house apparently weightless under his book bag and what looked on him to be a giant dog carrier. My young man had won the right to bring Jasper home last night. As he pondered what he would be able to write about in Jasper's journal, I was inspired. Granted, my inspiration was in part to due my relief that Jasper was stuffed, but, I decided that we should take Jasper on his first train ride. We got ready, LB, JB, H, Jasper and I. We went to the mall to ride the train, but, once there my son urged me to go to Build-A-Bear to maybe find a treat for Jasper. We went and we found what I think is a perfect accessory for a class pet, his very own book bag complete with pencils, books, and a great report card. Then my son spotted his 'pet' dog Dodger's brother. A dog the very same as Dodger, but, chocolate brown. Then my son explained that Jasper was lonely, he needed a friend to have fun with. I tried to explain that we were Jasper's friends and that we would keep him company, but, it was clear that my son wasn't buying it and that I soon would be, buying Dodger the Second that is. Of course, since Dodger II and Jasper are school friends, I also had to get Dodger II a book bag so that he and his friend Jasper would be ready to learn. Finally we got to go on the train. I took pictures for my son's 'writing inspiration book' at school of the dogs and their special first moments and we rushed off to get them printed.

Today is picture day and my son can hardly contain his excitement to share with his class how he and Jasper spent their time together. I know that yesterday was a good day because before going to sleep, my son came and gave me a special kiss and thanked me for the best day ever!

*Jen's family welcomed Ice Cream into their home and hearts with open arms to stay. Further proof that she is a much more awesome mom than I*

There is no place like home

First, I would like to say that I am really happy that we decided to go down to my mother and father's house for a day last weekend so that they could visit with the children and we could all visit with my oldest sister who lives out of state.

Now, let me share ten things that compelled me to make the above statement.

• Three hours in a car with six kids is no joke. Forty five minutes of non stop screaming by a certain one year old princess who wants to make sure that her parents are aware of her disdain is an excellent reason NOT to make a three hour car trip. Once you are three hours away from home though, you know that you must do it again on the way home. A benefit to the hour and a half of terrorizing screams on the return leg of the journey is that you will NOT be able to fall asleep at the wheel, cry perhaps, but, not sleep.
• After laboring for two hours to make her vehicle presentable to the paternal half of the parental unit, a mother can hold a grudge for days (maybe weeks, we'll see) when that same daddy dumps a can of soda on her floorboard.
• Those children that you couldn't wait to show off as the light of your life? You so don't even want to take them home with you. Another three hours cooped up with them will make you wonder if a really, really late term abortion would fly.
• "Why in the hell did I marry this man?" Is a question you will ask yourself over and over, especially if he spills something.
• You still can't eat anything acidic because of the chunk of your cheek that you bit off trying to restrain yourself when your father threatened to spank your son at dinner.
• Your mother waited all of twenty minutes before lamenting to your husband about her daughter denying her of her grandparental rights.
• Your mother will try to force you to try on bathing suits that have not fit you since you were seven. Demeaning? Just a little.
• You will spend a good five minutes wondering if someone were to actually use on of the decorative soaps that have been in your mother's bathroom for the last twenty five years, would it kill them?
• Then you will wonder if your sister had also wondered about lethal soap, but you will be unable to find a way of asking because your mother is right there.
• Why do old people have so many pictures of Jesus and rosaries on display? You will ponder this because there are far more crosses/Madonnas/baby Jesus(es)/rosaries in your mother's bedroom than there are in the National Cathedral?

A few pictures to share...



Grandma, BG, Me, JB, H, and Aunt S



Uncle P, LB, JB, and BB




Hubby and TLL



Hubby and BG

Fungus for me, fungus for you?

As a mother of six I have always said that there is nothing (short of illegal) that I wouldn't do for more energy. I mean seriously, wouldn't you? Do anything for more energy than your kids have? Except for maybe this one thing that someone suggested to me today...cordyceps. Cordyceps is a Chinese tonic, a fungus that grows on Tibetan caterpillars. I am totally NOT kidding. I have found where I must draw the line in the sand, and a fungus that grows on a glorified worm is where it's at. EEEEeeeeeww!!! For those of you that are made of stronger stuff than I am, it is 2g with meals, and you may expect a noticeable difference in 3 months or less.

Speaking of needing more energy, we are driving down to my mother's house for the day. My sister and her husband are already there. For our little day trip I have packed 8 bathing suits, 7 pairs of flip flops, swim diapers in 3 sizes, 12 outfits, 6 pairs of pajamas, one diaper bag in size Extra Grande, my trusty Vera Bradley purse, 18 baby bottles, 1 portable bottle warmer, 2 laptops, 3 gameboys, 1 DVD player, 7 lunches, 7 dinners, 1 tote of snacks, and three coolers of drinks. I am freaking exhausted and I still have a ton of stuff to do before we leave. My sleep will probably be nonexistent and then I'll be miserable all day tomorrow. Such is life, or more accurately, such is my life. Six hours in the car with six children...how bad can it be?

*I eat mushrooms, could caterpillar fungi be that much worse?*

Open houses and some good natured finger pointing

Yesterday, thanks to a cruel twist of fate, we had two Open Houses to attend simultaneously. I'm good people, but, I'm not that good. I managed to lug my six kids, my huge Vera Bradley purse, my ginormous diaper bag, a double stroller, a single stroller, and myself to the school on time for Open House. *Did I mention that it was raining? I didn't? Good, I wouldn't want it to sound like I was inviting you guys to a pity party or anything.* We decided to go to my younger son's classroom first. His teacher is very nice. She had lovely things to say about my boy, but, I expected nothing less, because LB is an awesome kid. Then we made the trek to JB's class just in time to hear her English teacher ask us to address with our children the issue of too much "conversating" during class. I. Really. Wish. We. Had. Missed. That. Part.

Other random things about Open House include being able to talk to LB's teacher about one of the second grade spelling assignments called "Back-To-Front" in which they want the children to spell the words out backwards for homework. I will admit that I was annoyed about the assignment. I mean, there is nothing like teaching your kid to spell a word THE WRONG WAY to eliminate confusion. Imagine my delight when the teacher explained that it was a grade level thing and that she agreed with me. Out the window went that assignment, to be replaced with whatever works. I also found out that JB's teachers, the ones of 'conversating' fame, are using the card flip system for conduct. However, the first time they flip their card, it marks the student down to a B for the whole week. So, talk out of turn twice in a week and you have earned a C for the week. Ouch! In my other children's classes they start new each day and the grade for the week is an average, so in either BB or LB's classes, those two strikes for talking out of turn in a week would still average out to an A. Same with homework, if JB misses a homework assignment, her grade drops to a B immediately and of course she also takes a zero in that subject. My opinion is that their expectations are too high and the consequences too harsh for the fourth grade. Granted, this is my baby girl we are talking about, so I am trying to stifle the urge to rip hearts out of chests until it is absolutely necessary.

I would still love to hear from my quiet readers (Pompano Beach, I'm talking to you...and KY I'm talking to you too :) ) If public comments aren't your thing, everyone feel free to shoot me an email, my contact info is on my profile page.

C'mon guys!!!

A bloggy pal of mine (and many of yours too) posted yesterday about lurking or skulking, or whatever you want to call it. Her post got me thinking about Delurking Day (which apparently is long past for '09) and how I would love to know who some of you guys are that are reading. My oldest child is particularly fascinated by my StatCounter. He is quick to update me each day as to who has read what/where/when. This week he has been practically doing cartwheels over a couple of hits from Iran. He has it in his mind that it must be one of his dad's relatives, which alternately thrills and intimidates me. It does occur to me that I have voiced a bit of frustration about my hubby on here (these translators are pretty unreliable, I'm sure you've heard) but, that his family might be using my blog as a link to stay connected with us over here is a pretty cool thought.

Then I realized that there are a few folks that are reading pretty regularly, but, I don't know who you are. I figure that if you keep coming back, there is something about my family that you find enjoyable, if not and you're just stopping by to see what I've put out there for you to disagree with...then you're my mother. Kidding, sort of.

Okay, so after a lot of rambling and babbling, I'm pitching the idea of an unofficial Delurking Day and I'm asking those of you who don't usually comment to say 'hi' to let me know that you're out there. If you have blogs, I'd like to be able to check them out...we might just have something in common! If you would even consider letting us know what part of the world you're in, you will also make my son's day.

For those of you that are interested in being clean and 'green'

If you've checked in with me before, you know that my household is a medium shade of green. We eat organic whenever possible, we recycle, we use natural health and beauty products, and that we use as many natural cleaning products as possible. It has then become a sort of experiment to find the most efficacious products to use. I love trying new things that are better for my family, better for the earth, and work better than what I am currently using. EcoStore offered me a couple of their products to try in exchange for my honest opinion. I am happy to say that both of the products I tried have their merits, and that I am probably forever sold on their whitener, or bleach alternative as the case may be. The other item we have been using is the 'Nappy Balm' which comes in a glass jar that I think is so much better than a plastic tube. It is a product that is so natural that I was even willing to try it out on the wee little one.

The whitener rocked my world. I had been waiting patiently for a good occasion to try it out though. I figured a week's worth of back-to-school socks was a worthy test subject. The socks came out of my dryer actually white, which is something that has been eluding me with the hydrogen peroxide based bleach that I have been using for a year or so now. I also used the powder as a stain remover scrub. While that was not a use sanctioned by the packaging, it worked really well, and took out some of the set in greasy pizza stains from my oldest child's new polo shirts.

I understand that their products are available at Meijer stores and on their website. I know that I would love to see Whole Foods carry their product line. You guys please check them out if you are like me and looking for 'green' clean, the company is serious about the environment right down to their packing materials (soy peanuts...how cool is that?)

Where I realize that I am not the only parent who accidently wears shirts with booze logos to school events

Why, when eating these last five or six pints of Purely Decadent's Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl in the last few weeks did I never once consider having to actually sit behind one of those minuscule middle school desks? Oh. My. Goodness. Talk about a wake-up call! I have never been a thin person, I am big boned, big busted, and definitely not dainty, but, my new workout goal is to be able to nimbly slip into my son's desk at the next parent/teacher function like that one lady in my son's second period, the one EVERY other mother snickered at while baulking at their own assigned seats. Her. I want to be her. I never again want to have visions of me standing up with the desk still attached trying to break free competing with my child's teacher for my attention. Strangely, my panic from earlier and my resolve to do better in the future aren't hindering my ability to work through yet more of the same frigging ice cream while I type these very sentiments though. *Willpower, like patience, I'm afraid I never knew you!*

Middle School's Open House wasn't bad. I was especially appreciative of the dad in the 'Mike's Hard Lemonade' polo, He made me feel better about this morning's school run in my SoCo & lime tee. I did change before Open House, into a pair of linen slacks from Banana Republic, which I was too lazy/cheap to dry clean, so I hope nobody noticed the small hole in my derriere where the stitching came out in the wash, good thing I was wearing my good undies. My children were too busy saying things like, "LB you were too young to remember, but I've seen Mom dressed like this before, back when she had a job and made money." LB countered with, "you look like a lawyer, not a mother." BB iced the cake by contributing,"yeah, I like it when you do your own make-up, this way you don't look so bad." The latter being a reference to the facial and make-up session I had done this past weekend. Nothing like kids to boost one's self confidence!

Then there was the actual class like atmosphere while taking notes about the different teachers and their class objectives and expectations. I was kind of a little bit of the class clown in school which morphed into a sort of dry mockery of my teachers when I got to high school. I had a real hard time NOT being like that tonight. I reserved most of my comments for the hall between classes, but, others were just bursting to break free. Like for example in his health class, I couldn't help but mutter under my breath while reading some of the 'Drug Projects' hanging on the wall, that I was unsure whether they were promoting the drugs in question or educating about them. I mean, a giant piece of poster board on which was written an ode to 'Magic Mushrooms' gave me the impression that someone was trying to sell me something. Of course, my little comment drew the attention of a couple of parents who really flipped out about the whole thing (meaning the posters) and really threw the teacher (who I would have carded for an R rated movie) off her game. Oops, sorry about that, I just thought the whole thing was kind of funny...some people have no sense of humor though. *Humor I have in spades, if I could just swap for some patience and willpower, I'd be set.* My son was still admitting I was his mother by 7th period, so I must not have been too bad.

My babysitter let my three year old go to sleep at dinner so he should be ready for bed about the time the bars close around here, perhaps I should have hit the 'Mike's Hard' dad up for free samples. I'm afraid that tonight will be an all nighter. *Sigh* Two more Open Houses to go, of course they are at the same time on Thursday night. Fun, fun, fun.