"Hi, I met your father this morning..."

"Then, this afternoon, I found out he is a registered sexual offender."

So...that's the conversation I had with my neighbor. Fun, right? Y'all are jealous, huh?

I had tapped on my neighbor's door to ask if I could carry a garage sale, Little Tike type of kid's tree house through his backyard. His father answered the door, and then his parents told me that they were just visiting, and weren't sure where the keys might be, so would I please come back and ask their son, my neighbor.

When my neighbor returned, he not only agreed, but, he helped me carry it. My feel for him is that he is a nice guy. I was grateful. What can I say? I like him. He always offers to help me carry heavy groceries, etc. By all counts, a good neighbor.

Then another neighbor dropped by, and another, and another. "Have you met John Smith's parents?" I readily said yes and that they seemed like nice people. "Did you know that his father is a registered sexual offender? The website says he is living here now."

So, um...what do you say to that? I went with, "Thanks for telling me."

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do. Pull my kids inside. Add a lock to the door. Buy thicker drapes. Move. Finally, I decided to calm down and go with just talking to my neighbor. I don't believe in talking about people behind their backs, and because he struck me as the kind of guy who would have knocked on my door and said, "My parents are coming to visit for awhile, and there is something you should know..." When I talked to my neighbor, he acted like I had lost my mind. I wondered if he knew? He had to know, right?

Then a knock on my door. My neighbor was back, with an explanation. His father had "stepped out of line" with a 16 year old he was counseling. He lost his job, his retirement, respect and had now lived with the consequences of his actions, for the past 15 years. He apologized for not telling me earlier, but, that he hadn't known that it was permanently linked to his father's record.

I feel better. I asked for permission to repeat what he had shared with me, and he gave it to me, he also suggested that I give anyone who would feel better talking to him about it, one of his business cards, and to tell them, to feel free to contact him. I respect that. I respect him.

I have also now been shunned as 'the irresponsible mom' because nobody else is interested in details. They are all in the 'high alert' phase, where they are acting like our street is a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off and claim their children.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but, my personal policy is to educate my children to use caution with people that they don't know, and even people that they do. I don't suggest taking it to crazy levels, nor do I want them to live in fear. I want them to approach it like driving. Vehicles are dangerous. Necessary, potentially fun, but also lethal in the right circumstances. Have a healthy respect, proceed with caution, don't do anything stupid...and keep on trucking.

Now tell me, does that make me irresponsible? How would you feel? What would you do?

Gratitude With Attitude (and even some plain gratitude)

Dear FCATs,

You suck.

I hate the way you stress out my kids. I hate the concept of failing a kid because they do badly on ONE test...a year full of straight A's are worth nothing if their FCAT score is bad. I hate the way you stress out the teachers, terrifying them that their schools and classrooms will be bare of supplies if they can't help deliver excellent scores on your crappy tests. I abhor you, stupid FCATs, I wish you would piss off.

Sincerely,

The mother of a straight A student who cried themselves to sleep last night, worrying about you!!!

***************

Dear Exhaustion,

I never wanted you as my constant companion. Please go away. I want to laugh. I want to run. I want to play. You haunt me, and you hold me back. I'm tired, but, I am also tired of you dragging me down.

What would it take to banish you? Sleep, you say? Fuck you too, Exhaustion. Fuck you too.

Regards,

I want out of this relationship

***************

Dear Willpower,

Where the hell have you been? When I need you the most, you abandon me? Has Exhaustion been scaring you off? Tell me!!! Tell me, why won't you come back to me?

Let's be friends again, please? Okay?

Missing you terribly,

Viv in the tight jeans

***************

One letter of gratitude sans attitude...

Dear Teacher,

You and I, we knew each other. Though, it is fair to say not well. Your classes were of one sort, and my pursuits were of another.

There was the summer that you tried to convince me to learn your skills, but, I was too busy working and squirreling money away.

Today I am sad because I heard of your passing. You were loved by so many, and well respected, by still more.

Your presence in my life was just a fleeting kiss, barely a peck. The impact that even such a small brush with your person had, still remains. It was your kindness and compassion that gave me the first flicker of hope that I might not hate my new home as much as I had been.

Thank you. Years later I am here in my 'new' home. Yours was the first friendship that I knew here. I am still grateful.

You will be missed,

Just another pupil

***************

Go see Think Tank Momma to play along!

Tests and being tested

Today I am going to share my children's Valentine's Day card from my parents with you...

On the right side of the card:


Dear Big Boy, Jelly Bean, Little Boy, Hercules, The Little Lady, and Baby Girl,

Happy Valentines' Day to all of you! We love you and miss you The Whole World.

Hugs and kisses,

Grandma and Grandpa


On the left side of the card:


Because you are the oldest, a very Special, and Happy Valentine's Day to you, Big Boy. We are so proud of everything you do, both at home, and at school.

We love you so much and can't wait to see you!


One of my biggest pet peeves with my parents is the attention they lavish on my oldest child, while making the rest of my children feel left out. It isn't just the Valentine's Day card, it is the invitation for only my oldest to visit, it is the big expensive present for BB's birthday and sending everyone else a dollar...maybe.

Perhaps I am just particularly sensitive to it because my own grandparents had their favorites, and I was not among them. It sucks to feel like you aren't good enough and not know why.

So, tell me...what do you think bloggy world? Do any of you deal with this problem?

***************

I am just now seeing this card as it wasn't even mailed to our house, it was sent to my aunt.

***************

From my daughter's test:

An average 5 year old weighs ____.

a.) 20 lbs.
b.) 40 lbs.
c.) 70 lbs.

She wrote, "D. How should I know what an average 5 year old weighs? My three year old brother is over 50 lbs., I guess the answer is 'B' but in my experience 'C' is more accurate."

Now, I am certain that she wasn't switched at birth. She's mine.

Today all I have for you is...stuff

I made the easiest cookies that I've ever baked tonight. 1 cup of peanut butter, 1 cup of granulated sugar, 1 egg. I threw in a generous handful of dried berries and carob chips. Baked them at 350 for 10-15 minutes. They are yummy, healthy-ish if you aren't counting calories, gluten free, casein free, and I dirtied a grand total of one bowl and one fork.

My seven year old is a freak of nature. He'll eat peanuts by the can, but won't eat anything with peanut butter.

My next door neighbor has decided to have their roof done at the same time as ours. We share a chimney, and it needs to be rebuilt. That will save on the cost. Yay!

I still haven't found anyone without a death wish to take the pine tree down. It is over the house and about to fall. I am stressed about this.

I might be getting new carpet upstairs courtesy of some grandparental love. It will be life changing if it happens. As it is, my 30+ year old carpet is so yuck that I won't put the babies down on it ever.

I ate the rest of the jar of knock-off Nutella with a spoon in the middle of the night. I need help. The eating is getting ridiculous.

My 20 month old is terrorizing my life with ear piercing screams. The kind that actually hurt my ears from across the room. The terrible twos are here...early. Oh goody.

I took a nap today. I stole it. I needed it. I fell asleep sitting up at the computer desk checking math homework.

My kids woke me up to talk to our next door neighbor. Nothing like saying, "Mom is asleep."

It was at least 5 years before my husband saw me in the state I was in when I talked to the neighbor today. I've fallen so, so very far.

Today I counted the articles of clothing I own. That would be 3 pairs of jeans, 1 pair with the ass ripped out and glued back together...so I guess, 4 pairs of jeans. I have 2 sweatshirts. 2 long sleeve shirts. 2 dozen tee shirts that are either organic and earth friendly, sarcastic and utilizing blue language, or from a past employer advertising the bar or the booze served there. 1 pair of capris. 2 pairs of workout pants. 2 workout tops. 2 workout skorts. 1 dress. 3 pairs of shoes. Holy shit. When did I stop trying? I need to have my eyebrows done, get a pedicure, and a manicure because I have three broken nails. Again, when did I stop trying?

There is probably more random crappola, but, I'm too depressed to think of it now.

Signed,

The 'Proud' is just a name, because my pride has left the building

Gratitude With Attitude...F bomb dropped liberally

I am playing again in Think Tank Momma's Gratitude With Attitude. Yes I know I missed Tuesday, but, I'm still playing. Read on, and you will find out why.

Dear Old Bitch at Costco,

It totally fucking skeeved me out when you grabbed my infant daughter's hand in yours, which also happened to be holding a kleenex. I felt like an ass and almost forgave you when I thought you were crying, because you kept wiping your eyes with your tissue. Now that my infant daughter is the first of my six children (and only at this point) to come down with pink eye, I want to kick your ass.

Sincerely,

Don't touch my kids. And if you're sick? Keep your fucking hands off my kids.

***************

Dear Tree Guy,

You are about to embark on climbing a seriously tall, dead, rotten tree with spikes...AND I FIND OUT THAT YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR LICENSE? Have you recently been diagnosed with a life threatening disease and you figure that falling to your death and suing me would be a better long term safety net for your family's future? I can't think of any other reason to be that fucking stupid.

Sincerely,

The "Get the fuck off this property!" bitch.

***************

Dear Clearwire,

The people who work in your technical support department are fucktards. My kid has pink eye. My roof is leaking inside my daughter's closet again. There is a tree about to fall completely on my house. AND YOU PICK NOW TO OUTSOURCE MY LACK OF CONNECTIVITY TO BUMBLEFUCK? Sure, go ahead, take away my email, Facebook, and bloggy life...now I'm ready to climb the frigging tree and put myself out of my misery...fuck you very much.

Also, the reminder that my payment is *almost* a day late? After years of on time payments? Really? Did it occur to you, that if I had been able to access the internet, MY PAYMENT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TIME?

At least half of the people who work for you are fucking morons, and the rest of the people, are picking up their slack and dealing with the bad attitude that sheer incompetence brings out in me...those (3 people...maybe?) deserve a bonus.

Also, do the stupid people know they're stupid? It really rankles when the least helpful person in the whole world says, "Thank you for choosing Clearwire. I hope we have exceeded your expectations today." Are they referring to my expectations for the future of mankind?

Sincerely,

Oh, sure I would love to upgrade to your phone service package.

I knew it

It's pink eye.

It is always something

I am waiting for the doctor's office to open because Baby Girl's eyes started to goop up on Saturday night. I am dreading talking to them because I am sure they'll want to see her, to give me a script for antibiotic eye ointment. On almost any day of the year that wouldn't be a problem. Today though? I have my truck which is acting up...a problem in itself. I also have two guys in trees over my house getting ready to start cutting them down and several guys up on the roof trying to replace it. I could leave for a bit, except...there is no street access from our backyard, it is strictly through the house. Crap.

What the hell am I gonna do?