They are just children, but...

Somewhere in my house there is a child that got up last night for a drink. I know this because in the morning my refrigerator door was open. I am hoping that the contents of our fridge are still safe to eat. I should know soon, I just drank some milk. What do they have against refrigerated goods?

The big boy has one chore and only one chore. It is his responsibility to walk the dogs. Once before school and once after school. A total of twenty minutes out of his day. This morning he got up early (no doubt because there was unfinished homework) and woke up the other two school-goers. He also woke me and the babies. Therefore it amazes me that in the hour and a half he had to get dressed and walk the dogs...he waited until ten minutes before they had to leave for the bus. It amazes me AND annoys me.

Jelly Belly stayed home from school today. She is still complaining of a possible headache/stomach ache/foot ache. I know that she is okay, but she doesn't. I took the worst path, the one of least resistance, and let her stay home because it is going to rain today and I don't want to have to drag the babies out in it to go and pick her up when the school calls.

A first tooth

The children all brought home fundraiser packets from school yesterday. They went to an assembly where a guy (who I am sure also runs a pyramid scheme) suggestively sold them the world in prizes for participation. The same guy also instructed the children to put the packets in the refrigerator to ensure that all the parents would find them. My children who NEVER take directions from me...followed his to the letter. They placed their packets in my fridge, and because I just went shopping on Sunday, they even left a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk on my kitchen floor so there would be enough room. Even though I am vehemently opposed to my children soliciting our neighbors and family, especially right now, when the state of the economy is hurting so many...I gave in to their cries and pleas. I spent a good two hours last night filling out postcards to be mailed with solicitations for magazine subscriptions. For this terrible reason, I got way too little sleep and I am feeling it today. I am so tired. So very tired that it is almost physically painful.

The little lady cut her first tooth today! This would be such a joyous occasion had she not tried chewing on her fingers all day long and crying out in pain as a result. I really wanted a picture of that gummy, and now a little toothy smile, but for now her mouth is more carefully guarded than Fort Knox.

Jelly Belly went to the clinic AGAIN today at school. She is there twice a week at least. I am so tempted to scream, "my daughter is a hypochondriac, leave me alone," when I see the number from the clinic on my caller id. Fortunately I have yet to do this, but, my resolve is weakening.

Hercules had a good day today! I can't remember a single incident perpetrated by him that made me want to lock myself in the bathroom to cry. He is so cute and smart and strong. When I watch him sleep I wonder how a child so perfect can drive me to distraction.

Oh boy, have I ever seen the rain

All the children were finally well. At least on medication and no longer acting sick. There was light streaming through the clouds, but before I could yell hooray...the school called.

The school called at 2:45 to ask me to come get my daughter because she threw up after breakfast. They called almost SEVEN hours after the fact. I was pissed. I requested that they put her on the bus and send her home. I mean, if she was fine for 7 hours, what is another 15 minutes? No, no, no. They could not possibly allow her to ride the bus home. I tried to explain that by the time I woke up two babies, put them in car seats, and drove there, that the bus would already have come and gone. Not to mention, what am I going to do about the two kids that are riding the bus? Let them stand outside the door until I get back? No can do. Jelly Belly came home via parent with a tummy bug.

The weekend had been productive. I relocated the entire newly laundered contents of the children's closets to other closets. I cleaned all the plaster from the carpets. Good times. Until, I heard the crash. I checked on the children, the dogs, the cats. They were all fine. What was that noise then? It was the closet shelf, pulling itself out of the wall...sending the contents crashing to the floor. I was cleaning up the mess when I heard ANOTHER crash. The second time it was the shelf in the laundry room that came crashing to the floor. Apparently, the added weight from the relocated children's clothing was too much. I cleaned for hours with tears in my eyes, because I recognized defeat.

Then when order was restored, I sat down. Just a few minutes of rest. The children are better, but I am still nursing a sinus infection, because karma is a bitch. Sitting. Resting. Watching James Taylor, John Mellencamp, and Garth Brooks...marveling at how much they have aged, when...H projectile vomits all over my living room. This was repeated at numerous intervals throughout the night and into this morning. All over my room, all over my bed, all over me.

Flipping karma.

Little boys are gross

Little boys are gross. They can think up the most awful things to do. This morning as I am struggling mightily through the laundry, H comes down the stairs. He reaches the landing between the first and second floor and just stops. I am watching him, but, I am folding clothes too. He lifts up his shirt and I see, too late I see, that he has disposed of his diaper...and he pees.

From the landing he unloads gallons of pee. He pees on the new workbench he got for Christmas, he pees on the stairs, he pees on his baby sister. The same baby sister who is sleeping for the first time in days. He pees on the swing she is sleeping in. He pees on the bouncy chair next to the swing. He hits the side of her car seat too, for good measure I guess. So much for her sleep. So much for the laundry. So much for the fact that I'm still sick. The baby must be bathed. H must be bathed. The toys must be taken out in the rain to be disinfected later today. The floor must be mopped. I must take a shower. The cat who also bore some of the brunt of his golden shower must also be bathed.

Shit. Frick. Damn. Why me?

Some things are too cute to forget

I will begin by saying that we are all sick. This being the case, I was loathe to leave the house today. There are some things that can't wait though, like toilet paper, which was what we needed today. So, coughs, sniffles, tissues and all we set off for the store this morning.

The shopping trip itself wasn't really noteworthy except that Whole Foods has finally made it to Jacksonville, and Whole Foods...I love you! Hercules consumed a couple of pounds worth of cheese samples as we shopped. My children HATE to shop, but, they all love Whole Foods because there is a sample at the end of every aisle...their equivalent to a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It was meant to be a quick shopping trip, but the barista called out that she was starting my coffee as we strolled past. So as not to disappoint her...and to feed my caffeine addiction, a mocha was in order. While I was paying for my coffee, H spotted his favorite feature of Whole Foods...the pizza oven. With only twenty minutes to go before they opened, it was decided that we should stroll so H could take lunch home with him. Stroll we did, during which time I managed to fill my cart with $100 worth of stuff I didn't need, and the Sample Ladies gave the little man a tiny cup of French yogurt, orange juice, cinnamon raisin bread, and brownies.

The pizza bar opened and we snatched the first slice of cheese that came out of the brick oven. We paid the cashier, who gave H not one, but, two sheets of stickers and headed for the car. After stowing the groceries in the car...that I still haven't finished unpacking from Saturday's trip to Costco, I tried to pick H up from his seat in the ginormous race car cart. "Wait," he squeals, "I am trapped in here." Sure enough, I forgot that I buckled him into the cart. Then Hercules laughs, both dimples showing, "I didn't mean trapped, I meant strapped." I can see the two year old gears turn, "But, I guess I am strapped and trapped," which said in his little boy way...made me laugh until I cried...and not because I had to sneeze.